Just looking to maybe relate with someone 😭🌈

I turn 27 weeks on Sunday.

I am so thankful, of course! But deep inside I feel guilt! Fear! Worries! Ah all.. the closer I am the more I am starting to panic.. I been trying to be peaceful and calm... I am just having a rough day.. i feel panic of the thought of having to get ready of the baby, as if it makes it more real. I think it’s my body reacting to protecting myself from the unknown of what could go wrong again..

I’m starting to feel guilt that i didn’t feel before. I feel guilt for my lost baby..

I feel like my mind is going back to the “ why didnt my baby get to stay with me”

Guilt of everything in every way..

guilt for not feeling like I have my heart right open for this new baby I have living in me..

I know I will have better days where it will make sense..

but deep inside even if I have control of my feelings. I am still drowning in all this pain/fears. I don’t want to let anyone in about my pregnancy. I want nobody to ask nothing.. it’s like a protective mode that i am in.. I wonder if it will go away after?

Nobody knows about my loss, and not my family or pretty much anybody knows about this pregnancy.

I have a live son before all this, at the time of my pregnancy everyone made it about themselves (specially my mother) judging and not supportive. I feel like this is part why i want to protect my baby too.