Empty

Just looking for some support, I usually don’t reach out. I’m a person that keeps her guard up and doesn’t open very easily. Recently just went through a breakup. We were together for almost 2 years. It was very up and down. I talked to him today for the 1st time all week just to check on him and he’s moving on. He used to be the one to pull the “im gonna kill my self” and never love again. And now I’m the one thinking that. There was some emotional abuse play in it but he eventually grew up and he started seeing me and treating me so good. We lived together for 6 months. We had to break things off because of my family not accepting him. I looked at the future and my mom said she wouldn’t be part of my kids lives if I had kids with him and my dad wouldn’t walk me down the isle. Things got off on the wrong foot from the start. We’ve been off and on. But I’ve never loved a human so much and I’m so empty and lost. I haven’t stopped crying. I’ve lost 6 pounds this week and not on purpose. I look so bad and continuously sleep as much as I can. I rarely go out. I’ve been drinking a lot. I just started my period or I’m about to (it’s the brownish discharge but it’s in big amounts). I’m also bipolar. I just want to feel okay again...I just don’t feel like the pain is going to end.