Please don’t tell me to hop off the jealousy train. I know. I got it. I just needed a place to vent.

We’ve been visiting with my husband’s family since Friday to celebrate the life of his grandfather, who recently passed, and my SIL is currently 28wks with her 4th (but a weird circumstance, plus a complete surprise pregnancy).

Hubs and I have been married for a year, and had planned to already start trying for a baby (and hopefully would have been pregnant) at this point, but we haven’t. Things come up. We’ve been busy. It’s something I struggle with but have been slowly working through.

But it doesn’t make it any easier to watch SIL flaunt her pregnancy and talk about the baby with every single member of the extra-large family hubs has. None of them are excited for her. They’re all honestly shocked that she’s pregnant due to her current situation.

Everyone asked about us, and told us they thought we’d be having a baby and not her. It’s heartbreaking and ignites jealousy i didn’t even realize I had before towards her and this baby, because I want so badly for it to be mine. I wish it were me that was pregnant and sharing this time with our family. They all expected the next baby on our side of the family to come from us, and it was so hard to hear her share everything all weekend.

So there’s my much-needed vent. Jealousy is a dirty, nasty monster on my back right now.