Stressed

So I’ve had a lot happen over the past year. My husband cheated on me over the time baby was born, I caught him when baby was 6 weeks (intercepted the texts) but I stayed, we’re working on it.

Then recently my Dad was sentenced to jail for over a decade, I won’t go into that. It feels like someone died but we can’t talk about it.

Along with this, the little things like going back to work when baby was 6 months and I wasn’t ready. Now I’ve been offered a new job at the same place, and it’s great and I should feel excited but I feel really stressed. I love my job but it’s stressing me out.

And a few days ago one of the guys I work with messaged me saying all this stuff and I should just feel flattered because he’s a catch, shut it down and move on (he’s moving to another area of where I work) but instead I shut it down and just feel stressed. I only talk to him about work when I need to, I don’t know how I gave off any signals I was interested? He hasn’t said if I did or not, just that he was trying his luck because he thinks I’m hot.

I think the things that have happened have broken me somewhere inside. I don’t cause scenes, none of my family do, we internalise. I can tell I’m not dealing with these things properly and smaller things are becoming hard to deal with. I can’t do therapy, it’s all mixed up with my Dads case and I’m still bitter towards them, I have a lot of anger toward the mental health system at the moment. So I can’t talk about it, I don’t cry, I run a lot which helps.

Honestly, I just want to stay at home with my kids and not mix with anyone I don’t have to. I want to trust my husband again. I want my Dad back.

Thanks for letting me get that out.