advice

thought if i put this down somewhere it’d make me feel better but so far it just seems to hurt more. right now i just feel like i repeat myself over and over again and nothing changes. to the point where i can’t even explain to him again because i know he gets annoyed with it. i came home from a wedding where every couple there from the ages of 16 to 50 all seemed so in love and so happy where i feel like i’m nothing but a bother majority of the time. i know and understand his world should revolve around me. at least not right now considering how young we are. but at this point i just don’t even feel like a priority. i feel like if he felt as strongly as he claims to he would want to talk to me whenever he got the chance. and he’d want to be around me more often. no couple at 16 years old should be around each other 24/7 but he used to want to be around me every chance he got. he used to talk to me every chance he got. but now i just feel ignored and neglected. like if i stopped putting forth effort there’d be nothing there. like i’m the one holding everything together. there’s good days and bad but lately i’ve been more sad than happy. and i want to be able to explain that to him without him getting upset or bothered because i’ve said many times in the past. his face lights up every time his friends are coming over but when i am it’s just like an “oh ok” moment for him. with everything that’s happened in the past it’s just hard. especially now. i’ve always felt like i’m competing with other girl despite him telling me i should never feel that way...but now i feel like i’m competing with his friends because i know that months ago i was the one making his face light up and i just want to be able to make him as happy as his friends do. i try with everything in me weather it’s making it to every sporting event or surprising him with his favorite food. or even offering to rub his back while we’re laying down because i know he likes it. idk everything just seems to be falling apart and i’m not sure what to do.