Through my pregnancy my M.I.L was fine, didn’t really crowd me and it didn’t change our relationship. My, now husband, and I would go around for tea and catch up with them at least once a fortnight (they live 25 minutes from us). But then I had our son. And it was quite traumatic for me, with a really involved c section being how it ended up. I was in hospital for a week and could barley stand/walk for 7 weeks.

Now, let me make this clear, I am an EXTREMELY independent person. I don’t like help being forced on me if I haven’t asked for it. I take a lot of pride in my resilience and ability to manage myself and my own life.

I never wanted anyone at the hospital but my mother kicked up a huge whinge over that so I gave it and it resulted in two visits from both sets of parents. I found this extremely annoying and frustrating to have this new little person that is half me and half my husband... being passed around everyone while I needed rest and I couldn’t even hold my son myself at that point.

I let it go, it was my mother’s 5th grandchild so she was less invasive in her presence. On the other hand, however, it’s my M.I.L’s 1st.

Cut a long story short. I wanted space and time once we got home with our new baby. My husbands parents were on our doorstep first day home. From here is where the problem really started.

I would ask my mother in law to put my son down in his bassinet to sleep, as I couldn’t walk over and grab him myself. She would ignore me. Or give me a reason why she didn’t need to and that he was fine.

In visiting them, sometimes my son would stay asleep in the capsule after driving to their house so I’d want him to finish his nap in peace, but my mother in law was always grabbing at him the second we walked in.

(He’s nearly one and she still does).

I have made suggestions based on my sons cues of what he needs etc, to help my M.I.L better relate to my son and how to respond to him. SHE HAS NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED WHAT I REQUEST AND GOES ABOUT WHAT SHE WAS DOING ANYWAY.

Don’t get me wrong, my M.I.L is lovely. She really is, and she means well and is just excited. But it’s caused me so many issues and constant guilt. When ever I do something for myself and my family, I have the guilt on taking time for us means she misses out. I’m so over feeling bad and uncomfortable taking charge of what’s mine.

My parents have taken the step back I need, they are there to help (but I’ve never needed it, my son is a bloody angel), and my parents watch how I parent my son and the. Act accordingly or ask before their next move. I really appreciate it.

My mother in law does not, she does what she wants and doesn’t listen to what I suggest.

My son is nearly a year old and only now am I just starting to speak up and stand up for what I expect. It’s hard to turn the tables now so far into the first year of having my son and to back track what we expect over what my husbands mother wants.

My husband never really understood how mad his mother made me, he missed half of the comments I made to his mother that she ignored.

It caused a huge riff between us for months because I begged for him to speak up and he kept avoiding it.

I speak up for myself now. And I’m just left feeling guilty like I’m the bad guy and I get an uncomfortable vibe from his family now.

I want my son to have a beautiful relationship with his grandparents... but I want the control and I feel that isn’t the case with my husbands parents. They patented their kids a certain way and don’t see harm in what they’ve done (and neither do I, I just have different values and expectations that my husband and I have agreed on).

I don’t feel comfortable leaving my son with my husbands parents because my wishes won’t be respected. But I feel comfortable with my parents because they respect what I want and need without question and give me space when I ask or need it.

My husbands parents tread on my toes and I guess don’t want to accept their son has an adult life with a wife and his own family.

I just needed to vent. I’m so FUCKING over it.