PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE NICE. NO JUDGEMENT, NO BASHING.

I'm going through a really hard time and I just need some support and understanding.

My boyfriend has a lifelong disease that will never go away. I was fully aware of this going into our relationship. This disease can be managed, and if managed well, shouldn't affect him having a normal life. He is a Type 1 Diabetic (the kind you're born with). I have done tons of research to make sure I can help care for him when need be.

The problem is, he hasn't maintained it as well as he could have of should have (I know it's not easy for him, so I get it). But now our dating relationship has become more of a patient/caregiver relationship. We joke around and call me his "nurse," but it's starting to feel true. I keep a close eye on his health, and I've been dealing with him being in and out of the hospital and constantly sick.

I feel like I need a break from it all. I want him to be my partner, not my dependent. I dream at night about having a normal relationship. I know that the right thing is to always be there for your partner through everything, but it feels like him being sick is never-ending, and hes not doing enough to better himself. He has kind of left his health up to me, and I feel that it's unfair.

Have any of you been through something like this? Did it get better?

I know it sounds absolutely awful to think this or even say it, but I just don't know if I can handle this for the rest of my life.

PLEASE BE NICE IN YOUR RESPONSES. THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT AND VULNERABLE TIME FOR ME. I just really need encouragement, advice, good vibes, or whatever you have to offer. I just feel so alone right now.