Ectopic and missed misscarage

I think this is something I will always have a hard time with, I have 5 healthy babies and on February of this year I got pregnant again so happy and so excited because I have 4 girls and one boy. So we were so excited even just thinking about it we finally could have our baby boy but something was not right a few days after I took my pregnancy test I started cramping but didn’t pay to much attention to it any bad thought I just didn’t want to think of it. They would come and go come and go then the spotting started then the pain would be more intense I finally went to my first appointment only to find out I have an ectopic 😢 I was 7 weeks along that same day I had to get surgery and had my right tube removed 😢😞 I felt so empty so lost a part of me was gone and my baby also . After recovery I didn’t give up three months later I got another pregnancy test with a big positive on it we were so happy again everything was going ok or so I thought I felt very sick that’s why so sleepy bloated no energy with nausea all the time I was happy this time things were going as they was supposed to. I went to my first appointment and things were going good we all thought got a scan and well my baby measured 5 weeks but again that’s when I knew something was wrong I had my dates right and I was supposed to be 7 weeks they were not able to hear a heartbeat so I went it a week later a heartbeat would have been surely to show up but again another let down my baby had stopped developing and was told I had a missed misscarage now I have to make a decision of a D&C , naturally or a pill I just keep blaming my self what did I do wrong when I only want to have one last baby I’m trying so hard to not think of it to stay positive and still have hope but it’s eating me up because I just don’t know what wrong did I do to have this happed twice I just wanted to express my feelings and maybe have to words of encouragement and still have hope 😢 but I will never replace my two babies I lost 😢