Plus sized and embarrassed

I’m so embarrassed to be posting this but I need help and am in tears writing this. I had a baby almost a year ago and didn’t take care of myself and gained 70 lbs. I’m struggling so hard to feel beautiful. I can’t stand to look at myself in a mirror. I only wear oversized t shirts and leggings/shorts and avoid having to go places since I don’t look good in clothes.

I just long for good friends who could hype me up and still feel desirable. My husband has never been one to give sweet words and I knew that when I married him. I’m a SAHM so I’m constantly in my own thoughts about how disgusting I look. How can I feel beautiful when I look so disgusting? I am at a loss.