Relapse (TW)

Sometimes I don’t even think I want to recover , I’ve had bulimia nervosa and purging for 4 years I’ve gained so much weight and i hate myself for it. I look in the mirror and hate what I see . I’m obsessed with taking photos of my body and tracking my weight. 130lbs , that number consumes me and I’ve come to accept I will always hate how I look and the fat on me , no matter how much I workout or starve i can’t ever cause a significant change. I just needed to rant sorry :/