Was this selfish of me?

Question

So I am almost 12 weeks pregnant! My husband and I tried to conceive for 22 months and i wasn’t ovulating on my own. I got a bunch of stuff to send to my parents and MIL to tell them that we are pregnant! And one of the things I got for my mother in law was this onesie.

About 14 years ago she had a still birth at 8 months pregnant and I thought that she would love this onesie. But my husbands step dad is saying that “it was incredibly stupid and selfish for me to send her that.” And that I’m bringing up her dead child while bragging about the one we’re about to have.” 
Was this wrong of me to do? :(
Edit: 
She hasn’t gotten the package yet, she should receive it tomorrow! My husbands step dad and his mom are separated. My husband told his step dad what I sent her, but she hasn’t gotten it yet!

Answer

Not selfish, but unless this is a very "green light" topic in their family that's very open for discussion, it was likely not a wise thing to send to be honest. Especially sending her the onesie when it's for your baby. It likely triggered her.

Answer

I don’t think your intention was bad, but I can understand how this would have been extremely upsetting to her. I don’t think this is something the internet can decide for you; I think a conversation with her is the most appropriate route to go with this, and that listening to her is more important than defending yourself.

Answer

Update: it definitely made her cry but she loved the meaning behind it! ❤️

Answer

Loss is a tricky subject. It's like religion or politics: unless you know how the other person feels and you know they're cool to discuss it you avoid it like the plague. No two people will handle grief the same way even after that many years. Some people would be touched. Some people would just be hurt by a painful memory. Some people will be angry that you've appropriated their pain and loss for a cute announcement. If you don't know the person well enough to know how they will react its best to just avoid it.
That being said it's too late now. Hopefully your MIL will realize you meant well and will take it as it was meant.

Answer

No I definitely think that was super sweet of you!! I got something similar for my sister in-law for when she gave birth to my nephew (she had lost her mom when she was 14 years old) and it really meant a lot to her

Answer

As someone who has lost a baby it would KILL me to receive this from anyone. I would die inside. Maybe 14 years from now it won't hurt as much... no I think losing a child will always be devastating for me. I get that your heart was in the right place but unless you know the pain of losing a child- don't do something like this please.

Answer

I don’t think it was selfish 
I just don’t think she expected that 
I would of understood her feelings first about how she feels about him being brought up 
I see where your coming from and I don’t believe your in the wrong 
It’s positive not negative 
Maybe she was caught off guard and will warm up to it

Answer

I think it was very thoughtful of you❤ I would cry if I received something like this, but because it's so sweet. The idea that her baby was up there and told God "send my brother this baby" ya know? To me it's a beautiful idea, and I really hope she likes it❤

Answer

Not selfish. After she receives it, I’d talk to her about it. Even if she acts like it was okay, I’d still explain the intention just to make sure she knew it came from a good place.

Answer

I think it was thoughtful but def can be perceived the other way however If she knows you & your intentions I think all will be fine

Was this selfish of me?

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