...it’s been a rough week, guys. I write this, as I cry for the first time, in complete silence, with my 4 month old daughter asleep on my lap. I have wanted to cry a million times before today, but today I finally am letting it out.

My SO is visiting family in Florida. I have had a taste of the single mom life, and let me tell you...I am not strong enough for it. I have a to do list a mile long that has barely been touched. My daughter has been sick. She has her first cold. She cries a lot and throws up after she eats. She is barely napping. I do all I can while wearing her, but am still so limited.

The basement flooded, as we got 10 inches of rain the other night. I have barely been able to tend to it, due to my daughter being so high needs lately. My mom said she would come help me today. She took off work early and was going to stay the night. I was elated. Then she bailed, leaving me incredibly disappointed. I know it isn’t her responsibility to help me or keep me sane, but I was SO looking forward to the help, and the company.

The loneliness is the worst part, honestly. Just sitting at home alone trying to console a baby 24/7. My SO forgot his phone, so we have had very minimal contact.

Today I opened an explanation of benefits from our insurance company. Apparently he had some tests conducted last month. Several tests. He never mentioned them to me. Things have been rough since our daughter is as born, and I am worried he cheated and then got STI testing. I know it sounds far fetched, and maybe I am just going down a rabbit hole. I have always admired his loyalty and never had a reason not to trust him. But I have no idea what other tests could have been run on him. He is healthy. And why wouldn’t he tell me?

He has made comments lately about our lack of sex. In an argument a couple weeks ago he semi-seriously asked permission to get a mistress, and has mentioned it feels like we are roommates. He was stressed out and took back a lot of things after the fact, so I didn’t think much of it. We have been fine since.

I realize no one probably cares about this sob story, but I just needed to get it off my chest.