Abuse

So I live in country that doesn’t understand what abuse is and parents think it’s a way of discipline I suffer from anxiety and depression and they think that can be fix if you obey the rules they have ...

I’ve been rebellious all my life and that cause me to be insulted and beaten a lot I even tried running away but they found me and brought me back to home ...

I can’t work now because my father forbid me from going out alone so my last hope in leaving this country is gone ..

I can’t tell the authorities because what’s happening to me is normal not something illegal.

The problem is am 27 years old I didn’t get a chance to live my dreams and be happy and idk how long I can live like this , I can’t even seek professional help because that’s shameful here .

I keep having dreams that My father is dead and am free now to travel and do all the things I dream about.

Am afraid now that he will force me to marry someone I don’t know because am getting old in his opinion and I should start having children...

I hate that I was born in this country with all the rules to dictate how I live my life ... am not even allowed to date anymore or have sex or I will be locked in jail for being a prostrate .

And my dad keep telling me am ugly and too thin and no one like me and I will never find anyone to marry because Of the way I treat people , I have a low self esteem and everytime I disagree about something he wants me to do he screams and tells me that am useless .

I wish I can leave this hell.

I just wanted to get that out

Sadly I can’t find any organization to reach out to I will only bring shame and my father might kill me if he finds out , plus what he does isn’t considered dangerous or even wrong and as long as you have a roof on your head and food he’s considered a perfect father ..

I spent so much time overthinking about all the ways to get out of here and even leaving the country is hard because I don’t have proof of the abuse , and I can’t afford a regular visa fees because I don’t have an income.

I have a passport and I can travel without permission according to law but I if I do that it’s considered running away , but the problem is I can’t get any visa to anywhere also money is a problem and and am kinda on house arrest am not allowed to go out alot or I will get beaten