I am sick to my stomach, the realization that self love is key to a happy life has took me for a shock, of course I have known the importance of unconditional love within yourself, but it wasn’t taught in my household growing up, nor was that something my parents pushed onto me, it was instead criticism, and constant body shame “wide hips” “thunder thighs” and “big belly’s” I look back on my pictures from high school and I was never those things, I was actually very skinny, 125 pounds, to be exact, it had been programmed in my mind at an early age, when going through the “young lady” stage that body shaming is normal, and that I am defined by my body, and I have things I need to fix about myself. Now of course no one is perfect and I know that for sure, but why must it be constant reminders of this? Now sitting here at 175 pounds, my goal weight is 155-160 lbs, I am happier with a little a meat on my body, I am confident, and grateful for my body now, but while growing up I always thought I was fat, I had such low self esteem due to my household to the point that I wouldn’t wear dresses or shorts (because my legs would be out) Hot summer days I was in t-shirt, and pants sometimes sweats if I am hiding my “thunder thighs” (big thighs). I didn’t like to show skin, because I didn’t like the skin I was in. Self love is something that is taught in the home at an early age, it is brought to your attention that it’s lacking- some in middle schools, most in high school, and that’s where the self hate, and self harm came in, never felt I was good enough for anything, or smart enough for school, or fit enough for sports. I thought I looked good in clothes and I would show my mother but get my happy torn away when all I heard was “Girl your butt is getting too big” so immediately went to my room, grabbed a jacket and wrapped it around myself so I can hid my butt all day at school. I didn’t know how to change it, I worked hard to change it, running track so I can lose weight, not eating, so I don’t have a big belly, running stairs every day after school. It wouldn’t go away, I was fit in my eyes but would get constant reminders that I’m not as fit as I think I am. It’s terrible to have to go through this mental, and verbal abuse. You hear it so much you start to believe it about yourself. The ones you go to for love, showing hate? Man it’s hard. I just want to say I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through this like I did, and to those putting others through it, you need stop, it’s life draining, and you need to let that person go and be happy, love yourself, work on you, you are hurt, and hurting others. I hated myself for years, now being 22, I have attracted an emotionally uninvolved man, because that’s all I have received growing up. A narcissist in denial, it’s the worst self love killer, self image taker, life draining thing in the world. We must educate ourself on the narcissist in the world, educate our daughters, son, sister, brothers, mothers, fathers who ever! We must have knowledge on this. I never knew what a narcissist was. But it is the worst kind of person to be with. It’s so toxic. You lose yourself, sometimes suicidal, no dreams, no money, no assets, it’s all gone, you lose everything. You want to leave you know you can’t live like this, the “love” when it’s there is so “strong” and “real” and like you just can’t let it go. But for anyone who needed to read this. For anyone going through this. Know you can leave, it will hurt like HELL, but you will make it. You MUST make it. I am at my point now where I have gone though it long enough, but no money to get away, no car to plan anything. It was all part of his plan to isolate me, and then exclude me when ever it fits him. So lady’s, men, children, my love. Listen to me when I say it doesn’t get better between you guys, a narcissist can’t love. Get out while you can, it’s that serious. Self love is key, heal all wounds, and NEVER (again) ignore the red flags...

Much love - from a broken co-dependent -selfless - soon healed empath.