How do you deal with a friend getting pregnant?

So my husband and I have been trying for awhile now. Suffered a miscarriage two years ago this August and have been trying again ever since.I have a history of pcos so after a year of trying after mc we were accepted into the fertility clinic here in January. I am now on my second round of letorzole. I found out my friend is 6 weeks pregnant , she and her bf have only been together for a year but she stopped preventing it early on cause she wants to have a kid around the same time as someone else, and at my age all my friends have kids so I didn’t discourage it and whatever works for peoples relationships whatever lol. But I did make a joke (half joke) that if she got pregnant first I’d resent her lol. So yeah now she is pregnant and I am feeling like an asshole friend cause yah I am selfish and wanted it first...we also work together and I guess part of me kind of wanted the moment to at work since we’ve been trying for this baby for 4 years . ( two years trying before miscarriage) I don’t know how to feel and I hate that I do resent her and I want to be happy for her cause obviously I can’t expect people to hold off their lives for me 🤦🏼‍♀️ but I’m just having a pity party and feeling depressed.....