It keeps happening. That negative. That one little line staring back at me. Mocking me. Laughing. I can hear them, my family, friends, coworkers, even strangers.... "maybe it's just not your time. Be thankful. Could be worse." Worse? How? My poor husband has to deal with my constant mood swings. My crying. My moaning. "I want a baby." The pressure to perform. The experience of it all. I dont know how much more I can take. "You're not even a woman. Can't even have kids?! Hah! Loser!" Sometimes I want to die. Is it even worth it all? I feel like women are valued by their appearance- I'm ugly. If they can have children- I can't. If they're smart- I dropped out of college. If they have a good job- I dont. I'm sorry for the rant. But I feel like I'll never see those big bold lines. The "pregnant " on a digital. I'll forever be squinting and begging others... "do you see it?! Is it there?!" But it never is.