Defeated.

*PLEASE NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS*

Honestly I just give up. I had my 39 week appointment today and had to set an induction date for Tuesday because I have not progressed at all in the last 3 weeks. I feel like this whole pregnancy experience has been the opposite of what I had expected and hoped for. For starters, I had to take cholmid to get pregnant because of PCOS. Then we found out we were having a boy (which I was honestly really depressed about. But have come to terms with and been able to be excited about now.) Then I was extremely sick all the way through the first and second trimester, I have have lost a total of 42 pounds from my start weight including the few pounds I have gained as baby has grown. Then I was told I have gestational diabetes. And now I have to be induced because of it... I realize that things could be so much worse. And I know that I am so lucky to, as far as we can tell, have a perfectly healthy baby on the way. But I feel so let down by my body. I feel like I can't depend on it to do anything the normal way. Everything had to be so planned. When we started trying 2 years ago, I was hoping for that positive to just show up one month but it didn't. And once I finally was pregnant, I was looking forward to indulging in my cravings, but now I have to watch everything little thing I eat and take my blood sugar 4 times a day. And towards the end of it all, I imagined spontaneously going into labor and rushing to the hospital.. but that's not going to happen. I guess I'm saying I just feel like I have no control over anything. And I hate that. I wish more people talked about what pregnancy can be, instead of what it is in a perfect world.