Vagina after child birth

I don’t know where else to post this. It’s really embarrassing but my vagina just looks awful since giving birth. Is it suppose to go back to normal 😔. I had a third degree tear and had to go to theatre for a repair. it sort of looks like my vagina muscles are bulging out. It’s also still sore between my vagina and bum and i can feel the pain there daily. I know it’s never going to look pretty but I feel disgusting and i feel like I never want anyone to go near it again.