To be straight to point, I like being in relationships that put me on a rollercoaster. I honestly believe I have to be in a crazy relationship in order for me to be happy and commit to them. My fiancé as of now is very VERY emotional and protective of me. I know for a fact it’s just him being young and insecure because he doesn’t want to loose me. This brings weird problems to the relationship. But I like it. I don’t like how he’s insecure of course. I like the resolve, the feeling when everything calms. When things start up again the rush brings me to want to hold on tighter to him like I need to protect him.

Before being with my fiancé I had cheated on my childhood lover. The thing is, he was my best friend. He was a really great guy. His personality was gorgeous, his looks not so much. He was a perfect poster child who had no mental or personal issues, just always happy. It was long distance since he moved away, and I ended up alone with another guy and the other guy being my only ride back home. In some way it was assault, but I won’t go into that. My point is. Everything was perfect when I was dating this guy, so calm and everyday was happy and chill. It was too perfect and I messed things over.

At this point I believe I need turmoil in my life otherwise I ruin things for myself. Some sort of self destruct. My fiancé isn’t always happy and chill, he cries a lot, he’s afraid, he’s insecure. And it makes a lot of sense for the stuff he’s going through and has gone through. He has depth, and I learn more about him everyday regardless of how long we’ve been together. And that’s why I find my fiancé so addictive and perfect for me. He’s unpredictable and I love him for it. Is that okay?

Edit: there’s going to be a lotta mixed views on this I know. But bottomline is, this is my relationship. I know things that you don’t. I’m just asking if this normal? If I’m not the only one who loves my man for being unpredictable and emotional.