Am I in the wrong?

Question

I’m 3 months pp and I’ve been diagnosed with ppd and ppa since having baby number 2
I’ve had some issues with my mother in law over stepping my boundaries with my baby 
This weekend I have been invited to a family party but I don’t feel up to go as I know she will go against my wishes and pass my baby around like a toy even if I ask her not to
I’m probably going to have her call me and complain soon
Am I in the wrong should I just go and get on with it ?

Answer

Nope! Functions can be draining, especially if you’re not up for them. 
If she complains ignore her. You do what u want, ur grown and that’s YOUR baby. Not hers idk why MIL are like this 😞

Answer

Not in the wrong, you're struggling with emotions that you have no control, you need to concentrate on looking after yourself for yours and your baby's sake, that means not putting yourself in situations that are going to make your anxiety worse when it's not necessary

Answer

Absolutely not in the wrong. You’re the mother and you make the rules when it comes to baby and your mental health. Passing that baby around is purely for everyone else’s enjoyment, not the baby’s. Let your spouse and older child go to spend time with family. You bring the baby around when you feel comfortable with it.

Answer

This drives me absolutely INSANE. you are so not in the wrong, I can not stand going to family gatherings because it’s like she’s being passed around like a football , and I’m SO over it. The second she starts fussing it’s “oh is she hungry? Mommy she wants to eat!” .. NO she doesn’t want to be passed around ! She is a tiny HUMAN not a ITEM. I’m about to start saying we’re unavailable for parties and such because I’m so over it. You have every single right to make the rules for your family and your children.

Answer

I was in the same boat with PPD and PPA. My mom planned dinner out to celebrate my niece and sister's birthdays and the thought of going was overwhelming. My husband and I decided that I needed to take care of myself and didn't go. My mom didn't understand at first but is starting to get it.  Take care of yourself first so you can take care of that little baby!

Answer

You are not wrong! Some people treat babies like toys. Your child is not a toy to be passed around to make others happy. I started wearing my baby to avoid this.

Answer

On top of what others said, if your husband is on your team with this, you don't have to answer the phone. You need to take care of your health and having a person complaining at you doesn't seem like a great position for you to be in. If she calls you, just text her back and say you can't talk about it right now but the decision has been made. You can always call and hash it out when time has passed. You're allowed to put yourself (and your baby) first in this... she will come around.

Answer

No you’re not in the wrong. I’ve been wearing my baby whenever we go places, even family gatherings, and it really keeps people from asking if they can hold him.

Answer

No you’re not in the wrong. I’m also 3 months postpartum and I’ve learned after the first week that if I don’t stand my ground and set boundaries I’m going to be miserable because everyone will be doing what they please with my baby.
So since then it’s been going well because I set those boundaries early on with both of baby’s families and now I have no issues.
If you don’t feel like going you absolutely don’t have to go. I’ve opted out for a few family gatherings already because I knew people were going to try to take my baby and pass him around.
If you want to go but you don’t want people passing baby around you need to make that clear as soon as you set foot there. Stand your ground!!!!
If your MIL is unhappy with those rules that’s just too bad!
If she gets upset and has something to say just be honest with her about your decision.
Especially since you have ppd and ppa I understand a situation like that would be very stressful so you do what you need to do to feel comfortable and stress free and if that means not going then that’s ok!
Good luck!

Answer

I remember this from another post but if you don’t want to go, don’t go. If she gets all butthurt, be like “oh well🤷🏼‍♀️” I understand the ppd/ppa, nobody takes that stuff serious and realizes what us moms (or even dads) go through with that. I never want to leave my baby let alone have my MIL babysit. I hate sharing her with my in-laws cause they drive me insane! I don’t want people passing her around and I’ve actually stopped going to all these events because my daughter gets way cranky and if people are passing her around, she gets really fussy and tired. I have to literally tell people to give my child back when she’s clearly making it obvious she doesn’t want to be held by them anymore and ready to lay down and go back to me. My daughter is calmest with me and always wants me. She doesn’t wanna be passed around and flopped around like a rag doll. I actually wear her in a baby carrier and my in-laws will want me to take her out of the carrier and want to pass her around and get all mad because I’m wearing her on me and they’re not able to just pass her around and kiss all over her cheeks (which I’ve stated no kissing my baby a THOUSAND times!) my MIL smokes cigarettes and I’ve said I don’t want my baby around smoking,second hand, third hand, just no smoke or the smell in general and I want people to wash their hands before holding her and I don’t want their cigarette breath all in her face but they don’t listen. The other day she tried taking her out to smoke a cigarette and I was like absolutely not! That’s why I wouldn’t want to leave her alone with her because if she had to smoke, she’d just take my baby outside around it. I’ve wasted my breath with that rule so many times. I have to keep my baby away from that and remind her a million times or else she doesn’t care. There’s times my daughter is hungry and ready for her bottle and my in-laws will be like “she’s fine she can wait awhile” just to keep making her cry and unhappy. Like um no give me my child now! I have to be strict about feeding time/nap time. My MIL will just walk in and wake my baby up to hold her. I’ve had to set rules and say if she’s sleeping, please leave her alone. My baby is a huge sleep fighter so I struggle to get her to nap to begin with. I’ve had to start putting her upstairs in her crib during naps because they always try waking her up.🙄 she just thinks she knows my daughter best and is a know-it-all about absolutely everything. My daughter fusses on her a lot and gets annoyed by her I can tell😂 and then she’s like whatever go to your mom and my daughter will stop crying and calm down😂 my daughter only does that with her and she doesn’t mind people at all, she likes new faces and everything but she just fusses on my MIL a lot and acts uncomfortable. There’s so much more I can go on about sadly 🤦🏼‍♀️ start wearing your baby and hopefully they won’t bother your baby and be strict with them. It’s very annoying that some of us have to set rules and be strict with our babies🙄

Am I in the wrong?

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