He won’t say “I love you”, am I wrong? Gplease read below)

Question

My boyfriend keeps apologising for not being able to say he loves me yet. We’ve been together for a year, and it’s starting to hurt really fucking bad. I wish I were exaggerating but NO ONE has ever told me that they loved me. No one in my family, my mom always abused me and my dad neglected me almost completely, my friends always used me and stabbed me in the back, and my first boyfriend raped me for over a year at 15 yo. I’m in my 20’s now, I’ve been abused by friends, 3 boyfriends, my family, I’ve lost EVERYTHING. All I have currently is my boyfriend. I love him more than anything and he makes me happy, but he still can’t say he loves me. He claims it’s for my own good in case he finds out he shouldn’t have said it so I don’t get hurt. But every time he says “I like you” it doesn’t feel like “I like you.” It feels like “I like you but just remember I don’t love you and please don’t tell me you love me either.” Is it wrong that I feel this much pain? I just want someone to love me, especially someone that I love so much. I cry myself to sleep a lot, I feel like a placeholder or someone to pass time with, not a girlfriend or lover. I feel like nothing, just like I’ve always been to everyone else. It’s been a year. I feel like if he doesn’t think he loves me now, he’ll probably never fall in love with me, right? I find myself constantly asking myself in my head nowadays “why hasn’t anyone ever loved me? Why don’t I deserve to be loved? What did I do wrong?” I’m about to immigrate to another COUNTRY to be with him permanently, but he doesn’t love me? I have no idea what to do anymore....

Answer

I’ve gotta be honest, if I had a boyfriend and we were a year deep into a relationship I would expect him to either know he loves me and be confident enough to say it, or to just part ways. If you KNOW you love him you should be able to say it without fear of him rejecting it. But please remember this, YOU DESERVE LOVE. If you want to be loved back confidently then I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and if he still is unsure then maybe you need to take a long hard look at this relationship. I would want to be with someone who knows they love me and can say it without a doubt.

Answer

To be honest, I see it both ways. On one hand, I would expect that after a year, he would be able to say it.  However, on the other hand, I also think that you're letting your prior experiences affect your feelings as well due to all the abuse you've been through and I think you're subconsciously looking for that love from him to heal all of that.  Before you make the decision to move across the country for a man you're not sure of, I really think it would be good to speak to a therapist to be able to work through some of your past experiences.  Everyone is worthy of love but we have to be willing to believe that we are and it doesn't take a man to prove that.

Answer

you need therapy. he’s not there to fill voids of your past. if he were to tell you he loved you and then one day say he never loved you but only said it because you were literally dying to hear it, you’d HATE that.
sorry people in your past never said those words to you or showed you but it’s not his position to make up for it.

Answer

Some people take “I love you” very seriously and will only say it when they are ready to say it. My husband and I didn’t say it until after 1.5 years. You cannot force someone to say something they are ready to say, regardless of how you feel. 
You might want to consider therapy to deal with your past abuse and problems. Remember, you don’t have to move to another country. You aren’t being forced to move to another country, you’re doing it as a willing participant. 
You cannot expect someone to express how they feel about you, because some people don’t always express it verbally. You cannot make the situation all about you. He might have had past issues that you aren’t aware of. You’ve only been together a year and it can take a longer period of time to actually get to know someone. 
So yes, I do believe that you’re overreacting somewhat. Don’t pressure him into saying something he is ready to say on his own yet.

Answer

I would completely freak out, I would sit down and have a conversation with him and ask him about why is it so hard for him to say it and try to understand from his point of view and try to work something out.

Answer

Trust your instincts. Trust your gut. Life is too short to move country for people who don't love us. Love yourself more. I know you like him but you don't deserve to be in this much pain. He may seem like all you have right now but I promise there will be someone later in your life who will practically worship the ground you walk on. 
Your heart has broken enough. You have respect for yourself and a healthy sense of reason. Please remove yourself from this situation. You will be glad you did.

Answer

i see where you’re coming from , but if after this year he hasnt said it maybe he just needs more time to develop his feelings . I can see why you would be upset but maybe he just needs more time , but totally i see where you’re coming from . I think you should copy & paste this message and send it to him so you guys can have a conversation about it . I really hope it works out love , you seem to really care about him :) And if it doesnt you’re in your 20s so you have time to find someone new who will give you the world bc that’s what you deserve <3

He won’t say “I love you”, am I wrong? Gplease read below)

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