My husband’s double life

Last night I caught my husband sexting with another woman. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I later found out that they had been having an on-going affair for the last year.

It didn’t stop there. He revealed to me that he was sleeping with multiple women, sometimes 2-3 times a day.

We have been trying to have a baby for over a year now and he told me it was a blessing we hadn’t had success with that. (this is about the time I was thinking I would be featured on the next episode of “Snapped.”)

After he laid all of his cards on the table, he asked me what I wanted to do. Despite discovering the depth of darkness I had just discovered about my kind, loving, and incredibly precious husband, I told him I was willing to go to counseling and work through this. I was in complete denial that the man I married was capable of doing this to me. How could he? Who was this person? Maybe he was just going through something...? I asked him if he thought he could stop the infidelity or if he felt like it was too much of a rush for him and realistically would just be part of our lives forever. He told me he was 100% sure that other women would always peak his interest so I told him I wanted a divorce.

This is literally my worst nightmare. A failed marriage caused by the Guinness World Record for infidelity. WTF HAPPENED TO MY HUSBAND?!? I spiraled. Called my family and begged them to come be with me so I didn’t do anything stupid. I quickly learned that heartbreak is, in fact, a legitimate cause of death.

We recently just sold our first home and made a pretty good profit off of it so we had a decent amount of money in the bank at the time. I figured I should probably go and withdraw my portion of it so at least I would have that. This MF EMPTIED THE ACCOUNT. ALL OF IT. GONE.

It’s about this point that I wake up.

Y’all.

This whole thing WAS. 👏🏼 A. 👏🏼 DREAM. 👏🏼

I have GOT to stop reading these posts about husbands being mega douche lords right before I go to sleep.

Reading these horror stories had my subconscious making me believe that my husband had become one of them. But in reality, the worst thing he’s ever done to me is take up too much freaking room in the bed and he eats my French fries when he THINKS I’m not looking (I’m ALWAYS looking).

Logical me is obviously SO relieved that it wasn’t real, but dream me....that bitch is still plotting the best way to cash in his life insurance policy.

Doesn’t even matter that none of it really happened. We aren’t on speaking terms until I say so. 💅🏼 (this is a joke)

(Also- if you know of any good therapists, HMU. Clearly much needed here 🙃)

Update: This is absolutely the greatest group of women I could have ever found. Thanks for not crucifying me for dragging you along on a fictional journey, thank you for making me feel less of a crazy person, and thank you for finding the humor behind this. It was my sole intention to bring laughter to your day. You’re all a stone cold pack of weirdos and I am so proud. I love y’all!