I need to learn how to not care, how to not be emotional, how to not be all the flaws that I am, how to not be sad..... I cry alone and quietly so i dont burden anybody. I ALWAYS feel like a burden to anyone and everyone no matter who it is. I am Sad to a point that my heart/chest hurts .... even for small things, and then I'm always called all my life an annoying emotional person. Yes I know I'm stupid that mostly everything I'm involved in is my fault in a way because I was involved. I try my hardest to not be so emotional but it overcomes me that it hurts and I just have tears run down my face. I have my boyfriend but even then sometimes I aggravate him he says I'm too emotional (He is the best person I have ever met for him and I both but I understand that even ik I'm alot to handle and that I even annoy myself and I'm alot too handle)... Alot of people say get over it or stop it but I've been through so much that idk how to cope but cry and be emotional.I bottle things up when ik that's not good but when I express myself I get shut down and I just bottle it up again. I swear I am trying not to make an excuse saying that its always because of my past as to why I'm like this but still idk how to ever explain besides saying it's my past.Idk how to explain why I get too emotional even though sometimes its minor. Especially with my boyfriend I miss him alot since we live far away and I know we cant do much about that but it hurts so bad I try not to think about it.... I get sad for minor things like if he randomly just stops talking to me and doesnt say goodnight or whatever. Then I cry and my heart hurts... I cant tell him or anybody because I'll get called selfish or way too emotional. I understand professional help is a thing but rn my sadness is only random some times. I am not like this everyday. Although sometimes it hits me in one whole day... when I was in middle school I was depressed throughout my 7-8th grade years and some even after. I told nobody and if I did, I'd get backstabbed in the end. I never feel like I'm enough and even small things that I do I feel like is never enough for the other person even if I am not able to do much regarding anything. If you ever met me, you would say I'm strong and it's okay to cry and that I seem like a happy perfect life girl... that's because I know how to not shown how much I am hurt in front of people, because I know how to act, because I know to hold it in until I'm alone. It's funny how I'm so emotional but the thought of killing myself is a no for me, because I know it will hurt alot of people like my family but sometimes I do think about it but I knowwww I cant leave this miserable damn world. I feel stuck sometimes and then in the end of my emotional rant I turn off my emotions for alittle while and then I'm happy and then it's a cycle. Even if someone listened to me they would say the same thing to me or it just wouldn't matter if I told them. Nothing will change. I am JUST trying my best... too many sad people in this world only to be put on meds that may or may not work and having to talk to people who get paid to listen to you...