So sorry if this is long but I need to vent cuz I have no one to talk to. So about a year ago I lost my virginity to my first official boyfriend. Before that he had given me head and what not and I started having issues down there like a yeast infection😕I thought I wasn’t taking care of myself properly so I went to the gynecologist and got medications and now I do baths before I sleep. So keep in mind I was not his first but he was my first( I think I was his 4th or 3rd. I’ve never had the guts to ask) I have gotten checked for stds through urine and blood and everything came back negative. After a while I noticed everything we had sex my vagina would get irritated and the same thing would happen so I asked him to get tested and everything came back negative. Towards November of last year I got on birth control Bc I do wanna be responsible and I still use condoms Bc I am also a paranoid person. My body started changing not outside but the inside such as I got my period for 3 months straight then it would go away and come back so we really don’t have sex often and when we do I bleed alittle and I’m self cautious about it even though he says I can be safe with him. So we’ve had very embarrassing things happen to us during sex (caused by me😅) but sometimes we’ll joke around and I’ll say his dong is small but only jokingly and then he’ll say in a petty voice like “but if I gave you a reality heck on your vagina you would get in your bag(offended) “ and I’ve been really self cautious about my body now and we haven’t done anything in 3 months and I feel like my self esteem has gone down a lot bc of it. My boyfriend always asks me to do stuff but I always turn him down and he don’t get upset but when we talk privately he asks if his body isn’t good enough or if he don’t turn me on anymore but I don’t wanna tell him cuz I don’t want him to feel bad for me and say “it was a joke”. I just feel like in the sexual aspect I’m not fulfilling the part as a girlfriend and it makes me sad bc I keep comparing myself to other girls. Idk what to do or think🤦🏻‍♀️