Boyfriend can’t seem to forgive my one mistake
This is a long story so I’m just going to try to make it as short as possible. In June of 2018 I started talking to this guy and I wasn’t sure if it was going to become anything but the more we hung around each other and talked, i really liked him. We started officially “talking” i guess you could say in July. We weren’t necessarily dating but not talking to other people. We officially started dating in Sept. and we had a great relationship. Yes, we had our fights and differences but we loved each other. Well, there was things i had a red flag about but overlooked. Fast forward to around end of march/ first of april 2019, i was having a hard time with a lot of things and our relationship just was not prospering. I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea to break up since he did not want to change the things that really upset me, i broke up with him. he kept texting and calling me and didn’t want to accept it. I called him one day (maybe 3 days later) and told him i’m willing to make this work if he is and how we need to have a long talk about what we both want in this. Well, long story short, he didn’t want that. he did a complete 180 & he wanted to be single and “work on himself”... this hurt me pretty bad considering on how much he said he loved me. deep down i knew his excuse of working on himself was just an excuse of being able to do his own thing... i was honestly heartbroken and felt like a fool... i tried and tried. over and over but he didn’t want me. i had a hard time with the breakup and just tried to heal myself with not thinking about it and not being home. i stayed out with friends and tried to get my mind off of it. around this time it was the first of May and I found out he slept with his ex at the beach. this ex of his was one that has disrespected me and mine and his relationships so many times, so when i found out i was heartbroken... I found out a lot of other stuff regarding girls but I had to overlook it because there was nothing i could do. i was so upset at the fact that i thought this boy loved me so much he was going to try to become a better man for me but in reality he just wanted freedom and girls. fast forward to the end of May and i was still really upset about all of this and all i’ve found out. I started talking to this one guy that my ex knew. They weren’t friends but knew each other. This new guy was my ex’s cousins ex-boyfriend. i know it’s confusing... so far from a friend to my ex. this new guy and i finally hung out at a bar with a few friends of mine. my ex finds out and goes crazy. calling my phone 30+
times, trying to fight the guy, just a lot of shit... i tried and tried to ignore it. this guy and i continued to hang out and well one night, i made the huge mistake of sleeping with him. i’m usually not this kind of girl but it happened. i wanted something to fix me and fill a void i had in me so bad. obviously, sex didn’t work and made me miss my ex more. i tried to continue contact with this guy and we did. we hung out a few more times and long story short, he becomes a complete asshole. Deep down i didn’t care because the feelings i had for him were slim to nothing and i just wanted my ex back... fast forward again about a month. my ex and i started to get in contact again and talk. just friends at this point but i knew deep down he still loved me and i loved him so much. i wanted us to try again, but he ended up telling me how he’s talking to a girl. i left him alone after that. June 30, on my birthday a group of my friends and i went out to celebrate at the bars and i end up seeing my ex with his new girl... it hurt me but thank goodness some alcohol was on the system so i wasn’t too bothered. the next day, he calls me telling me how much he misses me and how he wanted to walk over there to me so bad. i agreed and told him i wish it could have been like that too. he was about to move 2 hours away for school. so skip to July 4th, we hung out. we talked about everything and i could just see everything in his eyes like it use to be. but at this time he was still talking to this girl. we decided to be friends and yeah. he finally moved away and him and this girl stopped talking and my ex and i started talking more. it became and everyday and a phone call a day thing again. we knew we were gonna end up back together eventually just wasn’t sure. one night the topic of me and that guy i talked to while we were broken up came up. he was upset about it, and he asked if we had sex, and i lied and said no. i knew it would have started unnecessary drama and we weren’t together. i knew i shouldn’t have lied but there was good reason. present day, it’s the end of august and we are back together. we’ve been the best we have ever been. we’ve handled our relationship so maturely and it was growing already. this past weekend i stayed with him and i fell asleep on the couch. My boyfriend has never been the type to go through my phone, but he did. i woke up and he was on it. I knew he found stuff bc i never deleted anything from when we were broken up and i saw tears in his eyes so i knew it wasn’t good. he saw a few things he was upset about but the main thing was the guy. he asked if i slept with him and i said yes. he broke down and i felt completely helpless. this lie hurt him so bad and i apologized and told him my reasoning. i had to leave and come back home for my classes and he was texting me all about it so upset... it’s 2 days later now and he’s still so upset and treating me so differently. i know i lied and i shouldn’t have. but this boy has lied and done things that couldn’t even compare to what i did. i’ve forgiven him over and over. he slept with multiple girls while we were broken up but i forgave him because we were broken up. but hes holding a huge grudge because of this one thing and i don’t know what to do. i know it’s gonna take a little time for him to get over it but there’s no use of the way he’s treating me. almost like i’m a disgusting person... i’m very confused and just don’t know what to do nor say. i’ve told him how he’s all i want and i’m sorry but it seems no good... has anyone ever experienced anything like this and have any advice? he doesn’t seem to understand my side and the things that he’s put me through.