Drugs, Sex, and a pinch of romance

I met someone, and oh my god he is like the dream man I wanted when I was in high school. (I was that girl who drooled over tattooed, pierced boys)

We’ve been chatting online, I’ve been sleeping over his house. He wants to see me and texts me every day. but he doesn’t want a relationship. We have everything a relationship calls for except we don’t do PDA (kissing, or holding hands) we both have kids. His are older than mine (he has not met my kids and i haven’t met his)

Well we hooked up for the first time last night. Now I’m all for our arrangement me and him have. Ya know good vibes, good sex. But there are a few things I can’t shake.

1.) ladies he didn’t use a condom (i am not on birth control, and his 3 kids proves his pull out game is weak)

2.) what if I want something more out of this down the road?

And here it comes the kicker to all of this number 3.) he regularly uses meth (I am straight edge as it gets Ladies)

Y’all something must be wrong in my head to be hanging out with a meth head. But he doesn’t act like one, or look like one (although he never fucking sleeps so that kind of rubs me the wrong way)

He is fine with me being straight edge, and I’m not in any way shape or form going to tell him to stop what he’s doing since it is his life.

Y’all he does everything for me. I did end up staying up all night and day and he’s been trying to get me to sleep. He made his bed for me, turned his ac down to my comfort temp. And told me he wants to see me when he gets off of work and if I would just stay at his house, relax and sleep until he got home.

Y’all he makes me coffee, he is always staring at me, he even watches for my anxiety (i have a lip biting tick) he even told me he will sleep more often for me.

I know I’m romanticizing a drug addict. I’m not in love with him. I don’t want him to be my boyfriend.

We stream online though and all of our mutual friends think we’re together or will end up together. I’m honestly scared i might fall in love with this man. Besides him being on drugs, we have so much in common. Y’all what do I do? He in no way makes me feel uncomfortable. I am just scared I’m going to fall for this man. I’m not even sure what to consider our little arrangement either.