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My husbands family is very old fashioned I guess. They aren’t of any religion. Just very strict about the women staying home with the children, while the men go to work and make good money. Even once the child is grown the woman is expected to stay home and do all the cleaning, cooking, “wife work” etc for the “hard working man” My husbands family also pushes for prenups during marriage so that their women don’t take anything of theirs that they’ve worked so hard for, if ever divorced. And It’s really frowned upon in his family for the women to take their child to a daycare. My husband and I didn’t sign a prenup because it’s just not what WE believe in. And no I didn’t know this is how my husbands family was for the longest time because it’s just not ever talked about and I assumed the women just WANTED to stay home as it was a luxury to them. So please don’t say “you knew how your husbands family was” because I honestly didn’t until just a few years ago.

So my husbands, brothers wife (so technically my sister in law) and I both grew up in families of independent women that went to work and sent their children off to daycare or to school. Well my sister in law has 3 children, ranging from 7 months to 8 years old. She’s been a stay at home mom for years now while her husband works. She finally felt like she needed to get back to work and make her own money as she and her husband are always arguing over money. She’s tired of having to ask for money every time she needs something. She’s very outgoing and loves adult interaction and being independent. She’s just more than ready to go back to work. So her and her husband decided she could go back to work. She just got a job making $16/hr and now my husbands family is tearing her to pieces over it. Asking her how she could be so selfish and want time away from her kids and that she just needed to join a mom group for adult interaction and that she’s ungrateful and that daycare isn’t even going to be worth paying for and that she’s making irrational decisions. Why would she want someone else to “raise her kids”. She doesn’t know how lucky she has it, blah blah blah!

Now my husband and I are pregnant with our first. Due soon. I’m VERY independent and all about having my own money. I was raised in a very independent family of working women in the medical field. His family has already been asking me “what are you going to do after the babies been here a few months. You’re staying home right? Going back to work won’t be worth it.” I’ve came right out and told them that I wanted to go back to work once the baby is old enough and once I’m ready. They frowned upon it but I know it’s going to be hell with my husbands family when I’m ready to go back to work and make my own money again. I’ve always been taught “don’t rely on anyone to financially support you. You have to do the work yourself. You’re an independent, strong, working woman” and that’s burned into my brain. I’m not one to sit at home. I love having my own money. I don’t like asking a man every time I want to go get my hair or nails done. My husband doesn’t think it’s a huge deal that I eventually go back to work but doesn’t say much about it so I’m not sure his exact thoughts as we stay away from the subject for now.

I’ve seen stay at home women in my husbands family be left in the dirt with not a pot to piss in after a divorce because they were forced by their then-husbands to stay home and they had to sign a prenup for marriage.

I’m already stressing about the shit I’m going to go through when I decide I’m ready to go back to work. For some it may seem like a blessing to be able to stay home as a stay at home mom or just even a stay at home wife. But for me it’s a very threatening feeling. I feel for my sister in law and I’m really upset with my husbands family over scolding her. If her and her husband decided it was okay, then WHY is our husbands family making it into a HUGE deal?! Before anyone asks, her husband has taken up for her on this but his family is just too opinionated and won’t let it go! Even my husbands grandma, his real sister and father in laws new girlfriend (who used to work until she met my father in law a year ago) jumped down my sister in laws throat about it.

What are your thoughts and opinions? I’m curious to know if any other families are like my husbands. Do you feel that women should stay at home? Or do you believe in choice and personal preferences? Seeing all that my sister in law is being put through, I’m unsure of what to do when the time comes when I want to go back to work.

Edit: I wasn’t meaning to put SAHM down by any means. My grandma was a SAHM and she worked her ass off. I respect the SAHM. My point was completely about my husbands family being too opinionated and involved and ruthless towards my sister in law being a working woman with kids. I’m sorry if anything I said came out the wrong way as I’m not great with words. If it hurt your feelings, I’m genuinely sorry and didn’t mean anything by it. I’ll chose my words better next time!