Ive been dealing with severe depression for a long time and My husband has been my rock through it. I recently started therapy and seeking help and got diagnosised with borderline personality disorder. In my depression and with my disorder i incompletely let myself go, thinking and feeling i didnt deserve to look or feel beautiful. I wouldnt shower, brush my teeth, or brush my hair. I gained 60 pounds in the last few years. I only wear his clothes, and yoga pants and refuse to buy myself anything new. Weve had 10 miscarriages and have been trying for a while now and nothing so far.

Basically through therapy i realized I felt I had zero self worth and any worth to others. But my husband y'all, my husband would always be there trying to help me wash my hair and brush the knots out. To try to get me to leave the house or just get out of bed for the first time in weeks. Therapy has been so amazing for me and I am finally getting better and making baby steps but this last few weeks ive been building up the courage to do something big for myself, and my husband pulled the trigger. He knows i cant handle many people at once so he bought me some press ons so i could start small, then he took to get my hair trimmed and colored and the same damn day i got freaking eye lash extensions! He scheduled everything back to back so I wouldnt have time to psych myself and everything happened so quickly i didnt have time to stop and freak out. And guys...i feel beautiful. I havent felt beautiful in such a long time. I didnt think i would ever be able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with who was looking back at me. He then droppes the biggest surprise on me ever. He handed me a box and i opened it and it was bundles of hair. I was like um okay thank you? And he explained he talked to my sister and she talked him through what type of hair extensions to order for me since i have such a difficult time keeping up with my hair (its extremely thick and curly and it gets really matted ) that a weave would be best for me. Its something i wanted to do for a while again but just havent. He found me a hair dresser and made me an appointment and hoped that doing all of this first would help hype me up for it since its 2 weeks outs. I havent stopped crying and hugging him and staring at myself and im so excited to see what my hair will look like. Im just so grateful he didnt give up on me.

My before

Heres me now

My amazing husband

UPDATE: wow y'all the amount of love and support Ive received has been...just wow. Honestly I had to take a step back because it was a little more then overwhelming. But in the best way lol. Thank you to each and everyone of you. My husband is... Hes my everything. Ive known him since we were 13 now 27 and 28 and a fun fact for yall hes has high functioning autism. Were best friends and we always uplift each other, because thats just what you do. Hes been truly incredible since day one, and the day I met him during my lunch period I loudly declared This is the boy Im going to marry and proceed to chase him for years before he finally caved lol I don't know how long Ive had BDP or when it really started but for some simple background I was molested ans beaten from the ages of 6 to 16 and was a sex trafficking victim. My husband actually saved my life. We hadnt spoken in years and he randomly sent me a message on fb asking me out. What he didn't know was that i had written out my suicide note and was going to kill myself that night. I put it off thinking id just do it the next night and we went everyday for 3 days and on the 4th day he asked me to move in, in his words ( i dont care if its not considered the social norm I like being with you and I dont want that feeling to stop) and 6 months later he asked me to marry me (actually he took his grandfather to the airport after he flew out to visit us and asked him if we were getting married and he said yup, came home sat down and said oh by the way were engaged now and a few months later we got married in the middle of a severe blizzard in a court house in north dakota on a Tuesday.) Its been six of the best years of my life and hes knocked so many of my walls down. Hes kind and gentle, and absoultely beautiful in every sense of the word. And yall hes insanely smart. Hes never raised his hand or voice to me, cheated on me or made me feel lesser in the 6 years weve been together. He constantly encourages me and cheers me on. I can call him and tell him today i took a shower and he will go YAY im so proud of you baby! Good job!!!! And im ashamed yet he doesnt care hes still proud. My bpd symptoms are basically insane emotions like extreme, i cannot hold meaningful relationships at all, and i have this intense fear of abandonment so i will try to leave before the other person leaves me even though they have never once mentioned being unhappy with me. Honestly i think every one hates me and that im a burden on everyone and the world. Im now in EMDR therapy and i love my therapist and Im working everyday on myself. Its been a uphill battle but I know im going to be okay and that I wont be like this forever and thats all that matters. Thank you again to every one of you. I honestly dont have the proper words to explain how much it all means to me.