Its been 4months...

4 long and dreading months, thinking “im gonna buy 6 day early pregnancy test so if AF shows i won’t get sad” meanwhile deep down im hoping to see 2 lines.. and crying when i already knew what the results where gonna be.. thinking “what am i doing wrong?”/ “why isn’t it as easy as the first 2 times”.. & hold onto nothing but hope “next month, next month is my month.”.. i just want this wait to be over with, but they say gods timing is perfect.. holding onto to hope once again, and until god decides it’s perfect timing for my bundle of joy.. 🙏🏼👶🏻❣️