**long post, sorry**

So here’s the back story, my mom is almost 59 this November and she has survived things most would not have, when she was a teen she had Hodgkin’s disease, the doctors told her she wouldn’t live past a certain age, and she wouldn’t be able to have children. Well she she is with three daughters and 5 grandbabies. In her 30s she had breast cancer, whet through demo and radiation, and if it wasn’t for her losing all her hair you would have never know ln she was sick at all. In her 40s she got sick, and when my mom gets sick it’s really bad because she has no spleen and her immune system hardly works. So she got sick and what seemed like a cold at first turned into streptococcus ammonia. The day she made it to the doctors off her blood pressure was 70/0, she had gangrene in her toes and was just about dead. She was in ICU for a week and two weeks in a regular room. She was the first person to survive that disease without life support in that hospital. She lost complete eye sight during the hospital stay and now has 20/20 vision. She ended up losing all her toes do to the gangrene. Now in her fifties, she has was in the hospital for almost a week with ammonia, and just 4 days ago I was on my way to the hospital that she likes because she was getting picked up by the ambulance because she had gotten sick at 4am and couldn’t stop throwing up and fevers, I was half way there when my sister called, crying that I needed to go to the other hospital because mom was having a heart attack.

I flipped a uturn faster than ever. My entire body went numb and I had an out of body experience, it was like I was watching my self drive so fast to the hospital screaming to God to not take her because I was not ready to lose my momma. Got to the hospital ran into the emergency room waiting area to see my sister holding my crying dad. That man has been through all of this with her and wouldn’t have it any other way. They got a stent in her and cleared the blockage, and fixed her just like that. It was 99.5% blocked and I almost lost her again.

And now here we are almost five days later and the initial shock had finally worn off of me. And I have never felt so depressed. I have cried all day, my anxiety is through the roof. And it’s just not hitting me that my mom, my supermom almost died and I’m honestly not ready to ever lose my mom. I know we all do at some point but I’m not ready to be that strong yet.

If you have read all way till now, thank you for letting me just vent and get this out of my system.

I’m sorry I wasn’t sure where to post this but my July 18 baby is now almost a year and 2 months

This is me and my amazingly best friend/ mommy/ superhero of mine lol