Update: I’m miscarrying our miracle rainbow baby.

So I was about 10 weeks pregnant when I had my first miscarriage in August this year, it was my first ever pregnancy.

We were super lucky and we managed to get pregnant with our miracle immediately after.

I’m really really early, doctor thinks I’m about 2 weeks 5 days pregnant, but I’m starting to miscarry. There is nothing that can be done to stop it.

So in two months, I’ve lost two beautiful angel babies and the hospital I’m under won’t investigate my miscarriages until I’ve lost a minimum of three babies back to back.

It’s absolutely barbaric.

Basically I had an internal ultrasound about 4 years ago due to internal pelvic pain and queried PCOS, and during that ultrasound they said my uterus wasn’t normal shape and I also have a uterine septum.

The ultrasound tech told me the septum would likely cause difficulty in carrying full term due to how significant it is, but when I asked how to go about having it removed she wouldn’t refer me because at the time I wasn’t family planning or actively TTC.

So we’ve been told we have to continuously suffer the agonising pain and heartbreak of at least three miscarriages before I’m considered worthy of further investigations.

I should point out this is because of cost issues on the hospitals behalf. I’m in the UK and this is through one of our extremely stretched public health hospitals. But still, I’m disabled, we have severe spina bifida on both my side and my husbands, along with countless other pregnancy related health conditions so we are classed as “massively high risk” anyway, so we should be receiving a higher quality of care and closer and more frequent monitoring than most pregnant women.

I’m in so much pain both physically and emotionally right now and I’m struggling. My heart is totally broken and I just need someone somewhere to take my health seriously and investigate these problems now before to have to lose another baby.

For those of you that have lost babies during early pregnancy, do you consider it as a loss of a child to the point where you announce to family and friends or do most people keep it quiet?

I’m at a loss as to whether or not to be open and honest that we have been pregnant with two angels and lost them so painfully before we ever got the chance to hold them and see them.

❤️😭