Ex boyfriend shot himself

I’m writing this because I have no one else to talk to. Because if I reveal that I know this information about my ex to my family and friends, they will hate me for checking up on him. This morning, my ex boyfriend shot himself in the heart, he’s currently in the hospital but they don’t know if he will make it. My ex boyfriend was abusive to me, he was controlling, he was manipulative more than I thought humanly possible in a person, and he threatened to kill me and my family. After that, all my feelings or care for him vanished. He had threatened suicide many times, but he never went through with it. Thats why when I was told he was suicidal again, I didn’t think about it too much. (He has used suicide in the past to control me) I urged his family to call 911 or send him help, but I refused to talk to him, out of fear that he would try to hurt me or that he was trying to manipulate me again. I don’t know what to feel, how am I suppose to be feeling? I feel numb. I never wanted him to die, I just wanted him to leave me alone and stop ruining my life. I did what was best for me, and I urged his family to send him help. They are blaming me, saying I should have just stayed with him and put up with the abuse so he would not be suicidal. I dont know what I should be feeling. I dated this man for five years and he never treated me right or at the very least like a human, but he deserved the chance to make himself better. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore