Story is gonna be long and I go into details about it!

Hi, so I'm a 19 year old Female, I live in Indiana I live on the west side now, When I was 7 my family and I moved from Spiceland Indiana to I'm not gonna say but it's close to knightstown in a 2 story house, my family is big, there are 6 bedrooms in the house, it's a huge beautiful house don't get me wrong, but ever time I'm in the house I have flash backs and it scares me. My Mom and Dad got a divorce , and my mom married my step dad. Lets fast forward 2 years, February of 2009 my mom left for a business trip, my step dad took care of me and my other family. I'm young I'm 9 and I wanted to play doll house and my step dad suggested we play as we're adults and I agreed because I was so little not knowing anything about being an adult you know, so he said for adults, adults sleep in the same bed, he told me that I had to take a bath before I got in, I took a bath, put my nightgown on and got into my parents bed, he put on cars, because that was my favorite movie, then he said grown adults do this, putting my mouth around his penis, at this moment I didn't know what was going on but I still went with it because I was so young but looking back at it like what the fuck he's fucked up in the head, back to the story he had me doing it for about 3-4 mins it was a long time because I looked up at him and said his name and said my jaw hurts , he said call me dad and okay babygirl come here, so I went up to him and he had me sitting on him. He was kissing me calling me baby and saying he loved me and not to ever tell my mother, I promised him and then he told me to stand up and take my panties off, so I took my panties off, and sat back down on him (not on his penis a little above his penis where it was touching my buttcrack and my back) then he said now dad is gonna do something that's gonna hurt but babygirl just know that this is love and I said okay dad then he proceeded to push me back and slowly rub his penis on my vagina then took my vagina off of his dick and wetted his hand and my vagina and proceed to put his penis in me, at this point I'm telling him no dad that hurts no no no no no then I started crying, he proceeded to moleste me and I'm still crying. Telling him no over and over again. Before he ejaculates he pulls me off and puts my mouth around his penis and told me that adults swallow an that if I didn't swallow I was going into time out, so I swallowed . After that he put my my underwear on me and he gave me snacks and a drink and put another movie on and told me that he's about to call my mom and that I need to be quiet about what just happened and that when my mom asks me what I'm doing is watching a movie, and that's what happened, it happened for 3 months because that's how long my mom was gone for, so my mom came back the begining of july, come July 4th I told my mom and she confronted him and everything he denied it and my mom and step dad grounded me from everything . Ever since I've been having back flashes and I have PTSD , anxiety, depression, panic attacks , nightmares you name it I got it. Till this day, I'm terrified, and still Blaming me that this is my fault.