This was a slap in the face

My husband is going to consoling because he’s bi polar ( they said that ) and he feeds off addictions.

1st he was addicted to alcohol

2nd he became addicted to the gym ( addicted as in it affect us, he was never home he would skip out on dates to go )

When he couldn’t go back because of injury

He got addicted to porn.

He’s a working progress and I thought things was getting better.

My feelings were hurt about the porn addiction.

Here I am gaining weight due to birth control and stomach disease, still trying to adjust and learn to love my new body ( which is so hard ) and he wouldn’t even have sex with me. I would try all the time and be told no. And to find out he was jerking offf to porn? I was hurt. I almost left him. I shouldn’t feel unwanted.

I thoughts things were getting better.

He’s finally starting to have sex again.

I’m having a hard time getting into again because I guess im not use to it anymore, and my insecurities have gotten really bad with everything going on.

But we’ve been doing better.

And what did I find today? I noticed something was off about his phone. I always play on his phone when mine is dead and I notice every time I get on he has everything deleted and I finally asked him today why , is it the porn again?

And he said it’s nothing he just wanted to delete .

Uh why? So he finally confessed to watching “sexual” videos.

I just don’t get it. I wouldn’t mind it if it didn’t cause this big of an issue in our relationship. I almost left him because I wasn’t getting the intimate feeling a wife should have. I felt more as a roommate than a wife .

Honestly y’all I want to work this out but I need him to understand my side and stop lying I don’t deserve it at all. If you have to hide it from me maybe he shouldn’t be doing it at all .