I write this with a sad heart. A couple of weeks ago I found messages from another girl on my boyfriends Facebook messenger. I left and went with the kids to a hotel. My son has been in and out of the hospital with (new) asthma complications. My bf was currently away on work 15 hours away for a few months and I was doing everything by myself. So the fact that he was doing this during this scary time was even more hurtful. He insisted we talk about this, ended up showing me the full messages (after me begging and pleading to see them) and confessed he knew he was wrong and it should have never happened (still claims it “didn’t mean anything” and he had no “intentions”). I did notice that when he went to show me her messages, he wouldn’t let me go into them myself. Like he was worried about me seeing something else. When I asked to see the phone again, he refused to give it to me. I let that go for the time. Mind you the conversation was very inappropriate and super flirty. Turns out they used to “talk” (meaning they used to have sex). He cried and said he wanted his family and wanted to fight for us. I truly believed him. The next day, he took us to church and was actually talking to me like he never has before. The following day after that, I find out I’m pregnant. It was a complete shock and surprise because I’ve been wanting more kids but he has been very adamant about not wanting anymore any time soon.

But as a week went by, i just felt disgusted by him. Repulsed. I just kept thinking how he was flirting with that girl the way he flirted with me, but was swearing up and down that he had no intentions. He was even using our inside jokes with her! I thought I was special to him. I thought what we had was real. This led me into another argument with him. After all that promising about trying to be a better man and be open and honest with me, I caught him lying to me and hiding the fact that he was smoking cigarettes again. So this showed to me that what he said before was a fabrication to get me on the hook again. Now I was questioning what else he was lying about. For a few days I distanced myself and told him I didn’t want to talk to him.

When he stopped by the house to bring me my sons car seat, I noticed that day he was extra happy and his phone was going off a lot. And I’m questioning how can a man be happy with everything going on, pretty much just losing your family. His car was in the dealership that morning, so he had a loaner. When the dealership called, I noticed he seemed very friendly with the person on the phone, but reluctant to say their name. Fishy. So I started questioning him. Turns out the girl that he “only knows from talking to at the dealership” is Facebook friends with him and they message all the time. Though not necessarily inappropriate, she has thrown some shots out there. I’m guessing she has no idea I even exist. Anyways, these sets of lies led me to asking him to show me his facebook messages to prove his innocence. If you’re not lying, you have no reason not to let me see them right? I begged and pleaded for almost two hours, told him he was going to lose his family forever, even told him I was going to tell his mom and sisters. He started pacing back and forth and refused and even got mad saying I was being “stupid” and he “knows he didn’t do anything wrong” and I “should just take him at his word”. I knew something wasn’t right. He left for work and I was still begging him to go in late and just come show me the messages. Nope, he wouldn’t do it.

Finally I got the courage to figure out his email and password and got into the messages myself. What I found was devastating. There were atleast 3 different women (that I could find) that he was cheating on me with. One girl he was meeting at the bars. The other girl was sending him naked photos and videos on her masturbating while we were ON OUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS VACATION! And at this point I can’t even remember the other one. I felt sick to my stomach. After I showed him what I found via text message, he changed all his passwords and never responded. I went to his moms house and told her everything, she said she was going to talk with him and tell him he needs to have a conversation with me telling me the whole truth. Nothing from him yet, and it’s two days later.

I honestly feel if I say him right no I’m going to punch him in the face I’m so angry and hurt that he could lie to me and look me straight in the face and claim his innocence. And my self over here crying about him flirting and pursuing his ex whatever they were. Ha. That was nothing. I don’t even want him anymore. I just want the truth. I just want to know if he was physically having sex with other women while we were together. Because that’s a whole nother ball game.

I’m almost 7 weeks pregnant, homeschooling my 9 year old.. have a 1.5 year old with health complications, finishing my last semester of college, and have pretty much no money. I’ve been losing weight because I can’t eat, I’m so sick and stressed. I feel like I need someone to come here and take care of me like a baby. I prayed the Lord would help me and reveal the truth, and He did. Praise Him for that. But that doesn’t take away the pain and devastation. Please pray for my family and myself. That the Lord would somehow increase my finances, provide for us food and everything we need. Help me and the kids especially the baby in my tummy to be healthy. Give me strength and energy to take care of all my responsibilities. And to do the right thing. In Jesus name. Amen

And for those who may ask, I have been trying to get him to marry me so we could be doing the right thing in the eyes of the Lord. I even told him that we need to separate until we are married. I even went and bought a wedding dress and had it altered. But for some reason he wouldn’t do it. Now we know why.