I think I'm being emotionally abused

Vanessa • INFP| Grey-romantic Demisexual | Demi-girl | Autistic | 19 Yrs | Major Depression, Severe Anxiety | I like art and games
I don't really know, I haven't made a post on here before I don't think? But I really need help.... I think I'm being emotionally abuse by my boyfriend. Lemme give some background info. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 3 and a half years now (as of October). Sometime back in late March, I found out for a whole year and a half, he had been lying to me about a lot of things I have as bad anxiety on and was basically cheating me. For that whole year and a half I was worrying and gains bad anxiety from it all. He kept telling me over and over again that nothing was happening and that I was only anxious because of myself and it was my fault I was so anxious over nothing. He manipulated me into believing I was wrong for being anxious. When I found out, he kept using the excuse that he was trying to stop and that it was an addiction. But he knows and I know he was consciously making these choices. He  told me it hurt him to do it, but like... If it actually hurt, wouldn't you have stopped? No, because I know it didn't hurt and he liked it. He told me he didn't want to loose me and made promise to me. Of course me being as forgiving as I am, I stayed with him in hopes that maybe everything will turn around. But now I'm wondering... He keeps telling me that everything is ok now but how do I really know? He made everything so believable before that now I can't tell the difference between truth and lie. He gets angry at me when I call him out on douchy things he does to me and he ignores me when we fight instead of trying to calmly figure out a solution. I admit I lash out sometimes because of my anxiety and he knows that too yet he still gets angry at me like it's all my fault. I need help... I love him a lot because when we are together, everything is great but when I'm away... Everything kinda fall apart. He tells me how nothing is happening but... How do I know he isn't saying that just like before? How do I know he isn't lying again and hiding everything from me again? Does anyone have answers on what I should do or anything?