Am I a psychopath?

Whenever I speak to someone and try to create a reaction with my face. It doesn’t seem to come naturally like other people. I try to mimic a certain expression on my face and don’t know if it’s the correct expression sometimes. I hate social contact I want people to leave me alone most of the time. Worst thing ever is socializing, but I have a public speaking fear. When I was a kid, about 6 or 7 years old I forced my sister to pee standing up, simply because I had a fetish. (I liked watching people pee standing up, and I don’t know why. At home, I always caused trouble, with almost everyone. Hitting my sisters and calling them names. My mother did severely abuse me as a kid, physically and emotionally. It was really violently physical.

Growing up, I had no friends at all. Always the kid that sits at the back, and alone at lunch. People would the me to join them, I’d just shake my head and say no. The more I grow the more I find my emotions getting less and less severe. Although sometimes I fixate on one particular person and dream of spoiling then and giving them everything in exchange for their attentiveness, and that person could a crush or someone I find attractive. Does this sound more like sociopathy? Because of the abuse I mentioned? I’m not going to a therapist because I don’t want to waste money for that.