UPDATE 2: since y’all need to see what I sent. Know also that I spend MONTHS (I started this letter in the midst of fertility treatments so yes months) going over every word and sending it to my very level headed best friend. Backstory: during the wedding his family had attempted to bulldoze my every move and belittle our plans all bc my husband is the oldest and they don’t understand how to adapt to change. I told them no (beginning from January all the way up until the day of)one of the members of the guest list for the one event they offered to help with and she still was there. When it’s brought up they say that they didn’t think I meant for that event. His mother and her mother (grandma) now know that when I set a boundary, I set a boundary. His nana is a bully. All grandparents and great grandparents except her have accepted and agreed to the list (with the vaccination request, I knew I’d get push back but all the people who might not be able to be updated on their shots have come to me privately and have explained the issue and we are creating compromises)

PDATE: my MIL thinks it’s 100% agreeable and only has one comment about one of the minimal things (binky is super unsettling to me so she’ll have to remember that). The issue is with her MIL who thinks anytime someone won’t let her bully them is a personal affront to her.

I sent a list of requests to the grandparents and anyone interested in seeing her in the first three months to keep my currently unborn daughter safe after she’s born. Some range from don’t be sweaty and dirty and expect to hold her to the not so obvious no visitors at the hospital (everyone including my mother will wait to see us when we’re home and settled). We sent the list to all grandparents and great grandparents yesterday and I woke up to this reply (note that I suggested they bring up a list of comments, questions, or concerns about the list expecting rebuttals or more clarification but this is intense)

I sent an email back explaining that the list was sent to everyone and apologizing for the directness but refusing to apologize for having boundaries to keep my daughter safe. I also explained that even though some of the rules may seem obvious to some they may not be to others. Still waiting for a reply back.

1. She’s NEVER mentioned going to see her (she never leaves her house, doesn’t drive, and she lives 49 minutes away) once a month. This is the absolute first we’ve ever heard about this monthly requirement.

2. I’m kinda over the “I’m slightly inconvenienced so I never want to see you again”. It’s childish and the last time someone presented the offer (surprisingly, my own mother) I graciously accepted (her and I are now in contact again, but that’s another story). I’m only saying that it’s ridiculous and immature.