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Crazy rant :(

I think I'm pregnant. Seriously more so than ever. And I realize that usually when something is off around the time of my period I sometimes freak out and think things that aren't true. I imagine symptoms or whatever but this is far more real than anything I've experienced yet.

Started with my breasts hurting really badly and feeling really hot to touch, that can be explained by my period supposedly about to begin.

No pre-period cramping. I don't think I've ever really experienced this. No cramping at all. In fact it feels just kinda light and fluffy in there. Like what? Maybe all that is is my body finally adjusting to the bcp and I might just skip my period altogether.

What next?...

Aching back! A few days ago my lower back was in so much pain! I never have back pain and this was just bad. It only lasted a day or two and I think it's due to the bed.

Also, inability to sleep. Like why can't I? Probably because I'm stressing myself out too much.

Sleepiness. The last two days at work I've been exhausted. Like staring into space, blanking out, feeling confused, not energized at all! And that's even after having had my Starbucks, which if too caffeinated I'm very sensitive to. Probably due to the inability to sleep due to the crappy bed.

Veins!! Oh the veins! I'm seeing veins all up and around my chest, breasts, down to the sides of my abdomen and upper thighs. Like these are veins I never even thought to consider existed. And I swear I've never seen them so vivid before.

Breasts are still sensitive and feel heavy, even bf thinks they feel and look fuller.

And seriously I brushed my teeth last night before bed and saw like a dot of blood from my gums and flipped out.

I had to tell myself not to read into it.

I have to tell myself that about everything because I know the pregnancy symptoms and I freak out every time I experience or think I experience even one of them.

Here I am having woken up at 2:30am because I'm feeling nauseous and can't fall back asleep.

In hoping taking a dump will help me since I tried last night and nothing came out.

Maybe I'm just coming down with something.

I have been stressed lately.

Besides I'm on bc. Even though that doesn't mean jack, honestly. I did forget to take my placebo pills last month and I know we had sex before the week was done. What would be the chances.

If I am pregnant than this baby really wants to be here!

I want a baby. Terribly. I have bad baby fever. Working with kids doesn't help that matter.

I just don't know. I'm worn out, tired of waiting for my placebos to start on Thursday so I can test. I guess I could test now and just buy another one if it comes back negative.

Why do I have to be such a girl about this?? I need to go to sleep.

I just had to vent.

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