Nothing I do seems to make a difference!

I’m so agitated! I found out I had GD on the 2nd of September. Since then I’ve been writing down my blood sugar levels 4x a day. It started out high everyday (75,122,124,145) I didn’t get to meet with a nutritionist until 2 weeks later. During those 2 weeks I’m googling nonstop for ways to lower my blood sugar.

I see girls posting on here about how one time they got a high, and it’s like 155. Meanwhile, I’m getting that every day. I slowly start getting a hold of things and my numbers are low for the first 3 tests, then suddenly spike after dinner. I’m confused, scared, and feeling like a failure to my child.

I finally see my diabetic doctor to give me information on what’s going on. The only advice she gave me was “don’t drink milk during dinner”.

Ok stopped doing that, but my numbers are still constantly high during the evenings. She also proceeded to tell me all the bad things that could happen to my baby if my blood sugar remains high, including still birth.

Now every single day I see that high number appear after dinner, I just think “look, mommy can’t take care of herself, so we’re just one step closer to a still birth”.

I had a small amount of confidence knowing that if I ate oatmeal with a side of chocolate milk I consistently had lower numbers for breakfast. But today, even though I did nothing different from the last few mornings, suddenly my number spiked to 144.

I feel like no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get a grip with this GD. I’ve cut out anything high in sugar. I’m not eating more than 30g of carbs. I’m following the directions, and yet I keep failing.

I’m trying to follow patterns. I’m exercising. I’m going hungry all the time to keep my portion sizes small.

If I can’t take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of my child?