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I Just Don’t Know What To Do Anymore

I’ve known my boyfriend since I was 10 and he was 12. His family is family friends with my cousins family (basically his dad has been college buddies with my uncle and they ended up moving their families to the same area etc.). Whenever I’d visit my cousin, he was there and when I started High School, I went to this one kickback with my cousin and me and him kind of hit it off from there. He told me he liked me and I told him we could give it a chance. I was 13 and he was 15. I told him we could give it a chance because my cousin lived about two hours away from me. At the time, I wasn’t sure when I was going to see him because you could only have so many excuses at 13 as to why you want your parents to drive you 2 hours away every weekend.

His father is Saudi Arabian and his mother is African American. My family is Ethiopian. Hence, we had to keep our relationship under wraps because in our cultures you couldn’t just casually date like that, at such a young age. At the end of my Sophomore year of High School, I was put in an Ace Program and ended up starting college early. It worked in our favor that I was now in college because he actually had some friends that went to my university and he would stay with them over the weekend and I’d have “weekend study sessions” with my “friends” (what I told my parents). For the last 3 years that we had been dating, I didn’t really know what to think or make out of it because we hardly saw each other and it was mostly long distance. Before him, I had only talked to 1 guy in middle school so even though I wasn’t as naive because of my intelligence, I’m not gonna lie I kinda worshipped the ground he walked on and vice versa.

Anyways, as time went on, everything was peachy. We were seeing each other often, going on dates, talking about our futures, and essentially planning our lives together. When I was 17, he proposed to me and I honestly thought I was gonna be one of those girls that would have like a “High School Sweetheart” story.

When I started college, I was in something called the ACE Program where you are in college and high school at the same time in a way. Basically your college courses counted towards your actual High School Diploma and at the end of your Senior Year you got an Associates Degree and automatic admission to the college that you have been attending for the last two years. My dream has always been to be a doctor and go to Med School.

Although, since I had already been going to college in my home state it didn’t feel like something I wanted to do for my entire Bachelors. I wanted to Study Abroad but not just for a year or a semester. Hence why I started looking into American Universities that had some campuses elsewhere in Europe and other places. I also applied to some European schools as well. When we had both started college initially, he went to our State school then transferred to Stanford in California. Stanford had been his dream school but he either didn’t get the SAT or ACT score that they wanted so he applied as a Junior and got in.

I don’t give a fuck, I’m not making my future decisions on a boy no matter how much I love him.

When he got into Stanford, I was selected to go to this one Ivy In Europe and I was one of five that was selected in North America. I had to go to Canada 3 different times for tests and interviews and I got in! I was so happy and my parents were as well. I told him the news and he seemed so defeated almost. He was like, “I thought you were going to Arizona State”. Yes, ASU was on my list if I didn’t get into my dream school which was the European one (because they gave me a full ride) but then he suddenly had somewhere to be and he wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks straight. During the 1st week, I was sad but then as the 2nd week started I was upset.

We live on the East Coast. He goes to school on the West Coast. Why is it that he can go to his dream school but I have to compromise? Why can’t I have what I’ve worked so hard for? Can I not achieve my dreams as well?

I later voiced this to him in a text and I told him that I was going to go to Europe regardless. I also voiced to him that it wasn’t the end of the world. Literally it would only be like two years of my life then I’d be back. When I’m in Europe, we can see each other, talk on the phone, Skype, etc. It seemed like he came to terms with it and I went to Europe.

I was having the time of my life! Exploring, meeting new people, and talking to my fiancé everyday. Then it reached a point in October (during that year 2016) where he was being short with me and not being the guy I’d known forever.

One weekend, I called one of our mutual friends that went to University of San Diego and he said that he’ll meet him and talk to him for me because he wasn’t answering my texts or calls. To make a long story short, when I had finally spoken to him this is what he said: It bothers him that I’m there without him because it frustrates him that we can’t be us like we’ve always been and he misses being in my presence and being with me in real time. He said that if he felt like he missed me so bad he could easily just take a flight home come see me and then go back (which he had done before I left sometimes) but he doesn’t even have the luxury of doing that now. He said it’s almost like I took a part of his soul away from him when I left.

That really broke my heart but then it kind of made me feel like he was selfish because I missed him too but I wasn’t telling him to leave Stanford when I was in college back home. I never told him not to follow his dreams. At the end of the day, you live this life for yourself and you shouldn’t have anyone tell you what to do plus he was only going to be in Stanford for two years. If you already promised a lifetime with me then what is two years? I voiced these concerns to him over the phone and then he said that we would talk later on that day. Later on that day his mother called me angry on the phone. He had told his mother that he was going to transfer to a university that was in the same country that I was in because he did not want to be away from me. His mother was furious with me and she was cursing me out and saying that I was not going to block blessings for her baby and she would be damned if I did.