Did you ever cry over me? Did you ever once worry? After what I told you, I expected, no, I hoped, I wondered if you would even care. I guess you didn’t. You were my best friend, was I ever yours? And I mean truly. You said I was, you said you were mine. But you said a lot of stuff, now didn’t you. I know you didn’t love me, I mean, things would have gone differently if you did. But that’s not what I care about. Yes, I miss you. I miss your smell, your smile, your eyes. I miss the way you used to look at me, the way you now look at her.... But I’m happy now, right? I have a new boyfriend. One of my best friends form last year. And he’s gentle and funny and kind. And awkward and geeky and.. almost as perfect as you were. Is that fair to him? Is it fair that our whole relationship, I’ll be comparing him to you? Is it fair that although I am way past over you, I still wonder what it would be like if I hadn’t said those three goddamn words? Is it fair that I still cut myself because I could have asked you to come back instead of just pushing you further away..? I mean, I could have, I would have, and I should have, but I didn’t.. and now you’re gone. But that’s just the thing. I convince myself that I’m not good enough. I cut myself thinking It’s my fault your gone. But then again, when I told you I cut myself, what did you do? Nothing. I told you not to tell anyone, you didn’t. That was good. But I told you to care. See, no that’s where you failed me. Remember when you called me drunk, saying you just wanted to hear my voice, and you missed how we used to talk? That hurt me. It hurt me so much. Because I could have gone back with your sorry ass that night, but I didn’t. And I still regret it. Now she’s here. She’s just perfect isn’t she? She’s me but so much better in so many ways. And you love her don’t you..? Don’t tell her. Because I’ve found that that doesn’t always end well. I know I sound hung up right now. I’m not. I’m just sad that there was a time when you’d have done anything for me, but these days it seems you’d do anything to avoid me. How many times have you talked to me this year? Once? Maybe twice? I just miss my best friend okay? I miss our talks and walking in the parks. Fine, I guess I miss you. Does that make you happy? Is it nice that I’m so “obsessed” with you? Andrew told me that’s what you’ve been telling everyone. Haha, says the one who called me drunk after we broke up. I just want you to know that I still love you. Not that way anymore. But I still care. You still have a place in my heart. But the terrible thing is, that part of my heart is battered and torn. Ripped to shreds then glued back together. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I can’t anymore. I fucking miss you and I just can’t. I honestly hope you’re happy with her. Just, do me a favor, and cry for me, just once. I don’t know. I kind of want to die. Not that you’d care

Sincerely, me