I love him...but the sex is BAD

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year this time around (we dated for 3 years in highschool and broke up when he had to move back home) and we now have a beautiful baby boy together. And I love him. We really are great together. But we have a few problems like most couples. Mostly because he acts emotionally unavailable. Like he can tell me he loves me and I know he does but he doesn’t show it really. He really struggles with that. He’s very quiet to the point where if I don’t initiate conversations, we just don’t talk. And it’s not like that all the time but definitely most of it. Which is hard- but we’re working through that and he’s trying to be better and slowly it is.

One part of our relationship that is completely shit is the sex. For one we barely have sex. Not because he’s not interested - he has no problem jerking it and watching porn when he can. He just won’t touch me. Which has seriously damaged how I feel about myself and in our relationship. And it’s been this way for over a year and in that time I’ve just grown more and more uncomfortable around him. In the beginning of our relationship once we started having sex I thought a lot about ending it because of how bad it was. But I thought that would be too selfish and harsh. I thought it would get better but it’s only gotten worse. I tried for a long time to change things up, get things to improve. I would initiate and would end up being rejected or ignored. For a long time he wouldn’t even face me when we had sex. Only recently has he started even kissing me before and during. But it’s always the fucking same- there’s no excitement, no passion, no feeling of intimacy. We just go through the motions until he’s finished and I’m always left disappointed and counting down the hours until he’s at work so I can take care of it myself. He has never made me cum and doesn’t put any effort in to trying to or maybe he is trying but it’s so bad. I’ve had conversations about this with him but I’m always trying to be nice so I don’t insult him and can never bring myself to be brutally honest. And after that he started trying but it’s still awful. I don’t enjoy myself at all. A year of this has made me just uncomfortable around him. To the point where I won’t change in the same room as him. I never initiate anymore because honestly it’s not worth it for me at all. I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me or wants me. I love him but I’m really at the end of my rope with this. I’m not a cheater - I never have been but I’m at a point where I’m thinking about having sex with other people and it makes me feel guilty. I wouldn’t- but it’s all I think about. I’ve thought about texting my ex and hooking up with him because just once I want to have some bomb sex. I hate my ex but at least the man knew how to make me cum. I’m trying to handle the situation as best I can. Because I do love him like this is the man I want to marry. But I can’t do this forever. I want to just scream at him and tell him to stop talking big game because his head game is shit his stroke is even more shit. And like would it fucking kill him to show some emotion while we’re doing it? Like does he have to be completely silent with a blank face. It’s weird and a complete turn off. And for fucks sake would it kill him to shave once in a while. If I find one more long fucking pube on me I’m going to lose my shit. I just needed to vent and maybe some advice on how to approach him and get some real results. Please please help a girl out I’m really struggling 😭😭💔