I need help so badly

I’m 17 years old and I’m adopted from Russia . I have cerebral palsy and I am in a lot of pain 24/7 . I have been diagnosed with GAD ( anxiety) and depression . As a young child I was abused by my older brother and sexualy asalted by him for 7 years . I recently told my mom and my 1 best friend . I have severe sensory processing disorder and it makes me misserible . I am recovering from drug use .

About 3 years ago I started feeling like I wasn’t a teenager ... I just felt like a little child . And it never went away . I thought it was just because of me not maturing right . But as time went on I started noticing I would hide in my room and cry over small things and I would hold my stuffed animals until I feel asleep . I felt so ashamed and I hated it because I didn’t want anyone to know . If a guy gets to close to me I just get heart broken and terrified and curl up in a ball and say “ fuzzy” ( my blanket from when I was a baby ) ..... and I always go hide and rock back and forth . I am in consiling but I’m scared to tell my counsiler ... My counselor asked me if I was ever abused and I said as a child . And she didn’t say anything back . I just want to know how can I feel better about this . I need help . I feel like I have to be a child because if I’m not my world falls apart and I can’t do anything . I’m just always crying and holding onto my blanket and stuffys . What should I do to call myself , or who do I need to tell . I need therapy .