How are you partners?

Question

So I have a question. My d/c is this monday. And my emotions are up and down and all over the place. My husband has heard and seen me cry. But shows nothing himself. He sais he's just keeping himself busy. But wouldn't he want to help me get through this time instead of just being gone keeping himself busy?. Am I being to sensitive? We haven't told anybody about this pregnancy or us losing it. So I really need him for my support. This is our first try at pregnancy and I just feel really bad that there was nothing I could do to make it succeed. So how are your partners dealing with the loss?

Answer

I just had my miscarriage yesterday. My husband has been taking care of me. He doesn't express much. I know that he is very depressed and sad. He just doesn't show his emotions in front of me. He saw me cry and weep at nights. He just hugs me till I calm down. Never says a word. If I ask him about it, he doesn't say anything. May be he thinks that if I see him cry or anything, it's gonna make me feel even more depressed. But then again, he was never good at showing his emotions. He just makes sure I eat on time, sleep on time, take my medications on time. That's it. Some men just suffer silently.. They just don't come out...

Answer

I completely understand. I miscarried our first starting Monday...my husband said the same thing that he's just trying to keep busy. I know he gets really scared when I cry or when I'm physically in pain. I know he is in pain too, he just keeps busy because unlike me, crying is really hard for him. I also know he doesn't love me any less than he did before this...he's just trying to do his best to deal with a horrible situation. I think we're all just trying to do our best.

Answer

My husband has been very quiet. He hasn't cried or showed very much emotion. He hates seeing me cry and he is supporting me but he just doesn't grieve the same way I do. He will reach over and hold my hand or lay on the floor next to me while I cry but he doesn't show emotion like I do. It bothered me at first and all i thought was he doesn't miss our son and he doesn't care but he just grieves differently. If I push him to talk about it he will shut down so I have to let him talk about it when he is ready

Answer

My husband has been awful. He was nice at the doctors when we found out. But he's been so unsupportive throughout it. I'm also having a d&c monday. He's not even going... and was more concerned about the event we now have to miss that evening...

Answer

All men are different, some don't want to look weak. My husband though has been there for me and has listened and helped

Answer

I'm so sorry u have to deal with the loss of ur first baby. My husband and I lost our baby last month. And he was a hot mess. He couldn't keep it together. We laird in bed and cried with each other and held each other. He called in to work a few times cuz it was to hard for him. Honestly it was hard for me to keep myself together let alone him too. I think I was the one keeping busy and he was the one that needed me. We all deal with things differently. Hope u feel better soon.

Answer

So sorry for your loss, my husband and I went through a loss of our first pregnancy at the end of September, and he was the same way, just trying to keep busy. He couldn't handle the emotions, but after I had a major break down he ended up opening up more. Most importantly though, he held me through it all. Tell your husband you need to lean on him and aay everything on your mind, but also allow him to handle his own feelings how he thinks he needs to handle them. It may not kick in until after the d&c. Prayers for healing!

Answer

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband tried keeping himself busy after first finding out we lost our baby but once I sat down with him and we talked he opened up a bit more. But for him it was different because this was his second loss, the first being with an ex girlfriend. He said he felt numb but whenever I wanted to cry he would be there for me. Best wishes my dear, and lots of love and support.

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