I have officially gone no contact with my father.

I haven't spoken to my mother in almost 3 years (my life is much more peaceful).

And last night, after a verbal altercation with my father, I have decided to cut him out if our lives as well.

My husband is in full support of this.

A bit of background:

I grew up in a dysfunctional home. My father and mother were authoritarian and religious in their raising of my brother and I.

My father was often gone due to work, although he'd often stay out to go to the bars with friends and who knows what else. My mother would often pick him up after a night heavy drink. Leaving both her young children home alone because she didn't want others seeing him come home puking and violently punching walls.

My father was an alcoholic, and also addicted to pornography. He'd devote a great deal of time to being sat in front of the computer browsing hardcore porn. I was often exposed to the pop-up viruses of "barely 18" girls being penetrated when I was only 9/10.

When my mother would confront him - he would deny ever having looked at it. My brother being only 1 year older than me was to blame -- or some random virus that he didn't cause.

My father would also hit me when I was younger, he'd also hit my mother -- never my brother though. My hits would come most frequently in my forgetting to chew with my mouth closed. I was terrible at remembering that rule -- which often led to a slap across the face, followed up by my food dish being placed next to the dog's and being told that I would have to eat my dinner next to the dog (since obviously I chewed like one).

My father got a new job when I was 13 years old -- it was 1000 miles from our family home, which was a trailer. He was going to be paid so much we'd be able to afford a house! I was so excited. We packed and shipped all of our furniture and electronics. Then he called and told my mother he was leaving her for another woman.

Of course he said he wanted my brother and I to live with him. We both declined.

I shared a mattress on the floor with my mother for 2 years and all of our "new" furniture was donated by extended family and our local church.

My mother - being passive my entire life - never got court ordered alimony or child support. So my father often used any support money he'd send as a gambling chip and control mechanism - going so far as to tell me that my mother didn't love me and was using my existence for his money.

During my adult life - he would often ring me up to chat if he was proud of my current job. He LOVED having a reason to brag about me. As though I were an extension of him. My success was his success. Despite his complete lack of investment in my education/medical bills/car bills -- I literally had to do everything on my own starting out at 18. No one helped me financially.

When I quit my job to become a stay at home mother 3 months ago all he wanted to know was how much money my husband made -- which is none of his business. He'd go on and on "wow you're husband must be doing so well -- where does he work again? I forgot! Wow I can't believe you're going to live on a single income! Wow! And in Southern California! Wow that's amazing!"

He of course called me less when I stopped working at my very "cool" job.

Then he forgot my daughter's birthday last Saturday.

He's never come to visit her. He's never asked to speak to her on the phone - she's 7. He's never apologized for bringing her the flu at a family gathering. Knowing full well that he had the flu -- but just really wanted to see her. 🙄.

He's asked us to drive for hours to see him when he is on a business trip nearish -- if my child is sick and I decline he acts like Eeyore -- very mopey -- as if I've robbed him of something.

Last night I politely reminded him that he missed my child's birthday. My EXACT words.

"You forgot E's birthday and it sort of upset me. She's 7 now and will realize when someone doesn't call on her special days soon. I often feel like you are very present for your other grandkids, it just feels like when it comes to my child...."

Then he cut me off

"You know we are the ones who feel like the desereted grandparents (referring to himself and my step mom), we never hear from you unless we call, you're the one who moved away (I moved away from my grandparents for a job opportunity - he only flies to visit them), you're the one who isolates yourself from the family! Sorry to throw that back at you, but that's how it feels to us!"

I replied,

"I moved for my job. I also don't appreciate you side stepping my feelings and playing the victim card."

Dad - "yeah ok, you're the one who plays the victim!"

I then decided "this relationship is over"

I hung up and blocked him and my step mother.

I'm so tried of this unhealthy relationship. I've known him for 31 years and he's always been self absorbed and faultless on all matters. He bears every trait of a narcissist.

I'm angry and hurting. I feel like an orphan and it upsets me but I know long term it is the healthiest thing for me and my family.

My brother is an alcoholic now, very high functioning -- prestigious professional job -- still entirely un-empathetic and heavily addicted to drinking. I find him intolerable in person, but ok through texts/cards.

I just wanted to share and perhaps some of you will understand and relate to this experience.

Thanks for all who have read through.