Wedding or No Wedding??

Hi All,

So my BF and I have been together over 3 years, we have a house together and 4 fur babies. We’ve had our ups and downs but we love each other and know we want a future together.

We had put an engagement ring on layaway, but life happened and we decided to put it off, plus I want to be surprised.

I’ve been the type to always dream big, big wedding, big reception, the whole shebang, but that’s not realistic for us and I’m okay with that.

My BF on the other hand doesn’t see the point in spending a ton of money on “one day” and thinks a courthouse/city hall wedding is plenty.

I understand where he’s coming from and I by no means am demanding a HUGE wedding/reception, but I had gotten him to agree to a very small ceremony with our closest family in the Smoky Mountains - one of our favorite places and then we’d do a larger reception/party with our extended family and friends.

Well he just mentioned the courthouse wedding again and has told me “the only reason I want a larger ceremony and reception is because society has told me that’s what I have to do”. I don’t want just the wedding, I love this man and I’d marry him in a heartbeat. I just thought it’d be a bigger deal than just going to the courthouse. I love the idea of wedding dress shopping and celebrating with friends and family and being made to feel special on that day, I know it’s just one day and seems silly to some but I have a big family and we’ve always been close and I always imagined they’d be there to see me get married.

I’m not asking to go into debt for a day of celebrations, but I’d like it to be special. I want more than just a courthouse wedding.

What should I do?? Do I just go along with the courthouse wedding and make it as special as I can and then do a large reception/party with our families?? Or can we meet in the middle somewhere?? I feel like he thinks it’s not just about love for me and that’s not true, I just want to celebrate us the way I think we deserve.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal to him and I can respect that, but then where does that leave me and my ideas of how I saw myself getting married??

Any and all advice is appreciated, thanks in advance!!

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UPDATE:

Thank you to the ladies who have commented, I appreciate it!! What’s most important to me is him and I, it’s also important to me that my parents walk me down the aisle, I’m very close with them and I want that special moment. His extended family is not as big as mine, so I wonder if he’s worried about that. I also know he’s worried about cost, which I’ve always said I am more than happy to do whatever D.I.Y is necessary!!

But he’s right in that nowadays the wedding is about the guests when it should be about the couple. I could see us doing a courthouse ceremony and then a larger reception/party to celebrate, I’m just worried about offending my extended family.

I also think some of this stems from some jealousy toward my cousin who’s getting married in June of 2020 (I mean she and her fiancé are both in dental school and are getting married right out after graduation) they’re doing the WHOLE shebang, how they’re paying for it idk, mostly their parents I assume since they aren’t working.

I appreciate being able to foot the bill myself and say we did it on our own, but the dream wedding sounds nice — the wedding dress shopping, the ceremony, the picking out a venue, all of it, but it’s not in our budget and I’ll be happy to just have the man I love as my husband.

At the end of the day it’s about the marriage and our life together, if we spend all the money in the wedding then getting a house and having kids would be put off.

I’m sure whatever happens, it’ll be special and perfect for us and that’s all that matters, the rest is material things and I can’t take any of that with me when I go.

I love being able to think out loud here!! You ladies are wonderful and such an inspiration to me, thank you!!