Hey can someone please help me get over my ex by giving some helpful advice?

I’ll give you a run down of what’s been going on...

About 5 years ago I met this boy who I instantly liked we dated for a month then broke and he went and dated my friend , a few months later we got back together about 2 years down the track we started having arguments over the phone and when we saw each other weekly.

I tried calling him each night to tell him I love him but most nights there was no answer then I really started getting annoyed and questioning whether we were really meant to be he told me he won’t answer cause he’s playing xbox I then started to feel unloved but I still loved him dearly so I never gave up when we caught we’d be so cuddly and attached then not long after we’d argue again.

Anyway I think most of our trouble stated a year ago when my mum got really sick he said some not nice things about her I’d stick up for her and I’d get mad at him but always forgave him after each argument even tho during arguments he’d tell me I was annoying ,dumb ,ect I emotionally have asked myself and few people am I annoying they replied no it would make me so emotional.

There’s a few things I can’t mention for reason but they are the more hurtful things.

Anyway February this year we broke up I was so emotional and depressed I tried to harm myself most Saturdays and Sundays I stayed in bed crying my heart out asking myself questions, after a few months I got better I was on meds and feeling better but lonely and was always thinking about him anyways a few more months after that he randomly started messaging me I thought It was strange weeks later we got back together 2 months later yet again i was heart broken this time I lost not only him I lost another soul I still remember the night he told me he had been talking to another girl for a couple of weeks I lost it I walked out and that was that....

Another event had happened between us a month ago I can’t say....

But I need help what to do now? I want to leave for good but deep down I still love him even after all the he’s done and I know that if he came back I’d probably accept:(

Someone please help me!!!!

In this relationship I have been physically and emotionally hurt and I suffered a miscarriage in the most recent brake up😓😓😓😓😓