My dad

He has so many health issues. He has diabetes, vasovagal syncope, kidney failure, amongst other things. These are the three that give him the most issues.

We’ve been trying to have him begin the dialysis process, but his body has not successfully handled the ports (they have tried one in each arm and in the stomach). He wanted to try a transplant, but that’s a waiting game.

He has neuropathy in his legs and feet because of the diabetes. He walked outside and burned the bottom of his feet. That began to heal up, but then a new issue arose.

While giving my dad wound care of the soles of his feet, my mom noticed a hole between two toes. So he got a sooner appointment with his podiatrist and has been seeing him regularly. Last Monday, he saw the podiatrist who said everything looked fine. By Tuesday night, my dad was in the ICU at the VA hospital with sepsis. He’s been in the hospital for a week and a half. He has gangrene in that toe. Tomorrow, he will be having one, but possibly up to 3 toes amputated. The veterans hospital waited over a week before they transferred him to the hospital where the decision to amputate was finally made.

My dad was a marine, and he hates all of this. Because of his health issues, he suffers from depression, as well. He has always been a “mans man” who was always busy with something. Now, he spends most days in bed.

I’m heartbroken to see him go through this. I try to be there for him, take him to doctors appointments, visit him in the hospital, and make sure my daughter has a close relationship with him, especially since we never know what will happen.

But I’m also heartbroken for my mom, my sister, my daughter, and myself. It’s hard watching him go from independent and proud to depressed and losing weight and struggling to do normal daily activities.

I think it just hit me that he’s going to be losing his toes tomorrow. I know it doesn’t sound like a huge deal to some people, but I just feel like this is the next step on a downward spiral for him. And I’m heartbroken.

Thank you if you read this far. I just feel like I can’t talk to anyone in my family about it. Everyone is putting on a brave face, and I don’t want to be the one crying all over the place.