Recently my family got into a heated argument over the appropriate way to acknowledge the birthday of another family member who had passed away about 18 months ago.

Two of the four elder aunts, are up in arms because I (and several other family members including the other two aunts) didn’t acknowledge the persons mother appropriately (based on their expectations) on his birthday. And I had the nerve to say if there were expectations for acknowledging it that they should have been communicated clearly as I am not a mind reader for what another person needs in terms of emotional support, I am not at the same point in my grief and only know what I need.

The issue has escalated to I ‘should respect my elders’ and fall in line when someone tells me how to behave.

Thanksgiving has been cancelled over this. Well not cancelled but half the family on my side is disinvited.

So CC, do you believe that people should under all circumstances nod their head in respect to their elders?

Bonus question: what do you consider to be the ‘right’ thing to do on the second birthday after someone has passed? A party? A card? A text? Nothing? Whatever the immediate family requests?